Self Support

Just because your goals don't align with mine, doesn't mean you can't still support mine, and I, yours.

The road to success has pitfalls,  Traps.
Many I can see coming.
Many I have encountered before.
Sometimes though, I'm blindsided by something that I not only didn't expect, but that should have been an encouragement, a support in my corner of the ring.

Not everyone will support your journey.
Be OK with this.
It is yours, after all, and you must own it.

My oldest daughter asked me the other day, "Mom, why are you trying to lose weight?"
It's a question I've been expecting, in some capacity, and I think I have pretty stellar body image, so it's something of a victory that it's taken 7 years for her to broach the subject!

I answered her.
I'm not exactly trying to lose weight.  Do you think I'm trying to lose weight?
"Well, you're dieting, and diets are for losing weight."
True.  Check mate.

Well, Audrey, the lifestyle I'm adopting is simply called flexible dieting.
It's not a diet though.
"Then why aren't you eating with us?"  (They're having hotcakes at McDonald's.)
Because I ate already, I'm satisfied, and I don't really want to eat pancakes.
This appeased her and she continued eating her pancake.
I felt compelled to snack on her pancake, simply to prove that I could eat what I want, but I didn't.
I preach that I must be self-inspired and contented with myself, and this is an action that would imply otherwise.

Do you think I need to lose weight, Audrey?
"No.  I never have."
She says this in a matter-of-fact kind of way, mid-bite and carries on.  Like it's never crossed her mind that I've ever needed to change my body.
I want her to keep that.  Not only for me, and for all the women in her life, but for herself one day when she's comparing herself to, well, whoever.

She's one of the good ones.
Clever, gentle and kind.
We've begun at a young age to show our kids that talking about our bodies is only OK if we're being positive, or talking scientifically.  It's a bit of a tricky thing to teach, and one that gives me some anxiety.  How do we protect them from the tricky people?  How do we show them how to love their bodies?  How do we instill in them the grace to notice, but not judge, when that is what, especially as women, we are always expected to do?

The girls are in swimming lessons, and last week I couldn't help but overhear a Mom commenting on her tween daughters' body.
"You're such a skinny mini.  You should eat a sandwich or something!"

Most certainly it was meant in jest, but I caught Audrey's eye after she heard this.
This is something I don't think she has never heard, and yet, most of you reading have heard something like this before, either directed at yourself or someone you know, I'm sure!
Body shaming comes from a hurt place, an ugly place, a place where we are not comfortable with our own bodies.  I understand that we won't always be happy with ourselves.  That's OK.  I wake up some days and just feel lousy, fat.  I just want to hide in the covers and eat donuts and watch Netflix.  I'm allowed to have these feelings, and I might just have a donut that day, but it is not OK for me to project my crappy feelings onto someone else.

Support can't be expected.  It can't.  We have to learn to dig deep, on our own, and know that this process is hard for everyone.  Know that although it may seem easier for some people, it really isn't. The easier days for you might be the grinding ones for someone else.

I self-implemented a challenge for the summer.
It was to be the summer of the bikini.
I was going to wear nothing but bikinis all summer, no matter where we went swimming.

It took all of a few days for me to realize that I don't give a crap about wearing a bikini all summer.  I do not need to do this challenge to feel damn good about my body and to wear a friggin' bikini.  I already do.  I do not have a six pack, or even a flat belly but you better believe that my bikinis were damn lucky I was wearing them!

I did wear a bikini for 10 days straight.  I can tell you that I most certainly did the comparison.  Y'know, the one you do in your head, as brief as it might be, to the other gals in bikinis.  Only the ones in similar life situations, though.  Under 20?  You're not in this judgment.  Under 30?  I'm not counting you either.  But if you've got a bunch'a little kids and you're not able to relax and read a book either, well then, you and me lady, are fair game, and don't think I didn't see that extra second of a glance you gave me.  I fought the urge to judge, compare.  I fought it hard.  I fought it with the knowledge that my girls are noticing things like this and I've told them these things are not OK, but I always the lose the battle, virtually place myself side by side with these women, and the only person who feels the repercussions of this, are me.

Self-support, to me, means being able to kick my own arse through my workouts, but it also means being kinder to myself in the mirror.  This battle is tough.  It isn't for the weak.  It takes guts, and ambition and a tenacity you've never had, I'VE never had.  Would I be here if I'd had the tenacity before?