No Explanation Necessary

Every single year, when the calendar passes Christmas and Boxing Day and the week before New Years meanders on, we start to see more and more posts about how the past year can bite it, because it sucked, and hopefully the next year is better...
Like every year, we are handed a fresh, brand new sheet of paper to turn into something amazing, and then here we are again, on Dec 29, balling it up to toss over our shoulder and begin again on January 1.

We define our lives by the sh*tty things that happen.  We define an entire year by the sh*tty things that happened.  How often do you hear someone say, "man, that was just a really great year!".  On December 29?  Not many...

But what if instead of remembering the few awful things that happened, and deciding that the whole year should be scrapped, we chose the things we achieved, obstacles we overcame, and celebrated them, but then scrapped the whole resolution bulls*t instead?  Hmmmmmm?  Whadyathink?!?!

Some not so pleasant things happened last year, but way, way more phenomenal things happened, and  I looked back on 2017 with pride.  See the good.  Find the positive.

I do not make resolutions because I don't need that kind of negativity in my life.

Instead, I make goals.  Doesn't "goal crusher" sound way cooler than "resolution crusher"?  It does.  I'll just go ahead and answer it for you.  Goals are measurable.  Goals have plans and action and the acceptance of setbacks.  Goals will still be around in June.  Resolutions are usually just a fart in the wind by then.

My goal this year?  To stop seeking approval.  Validation.  I am enough.  I do not owe anyone an explanation for how I live my life, and I do not need to hear yours.  Make your page beautiful this year.  You do you.

There's a window where I work, where, in good lighting, you will catch a perfect reflection of yourself.

I've worked here long enough to see many different reflections looking back at me, and many of them have made me sad, and many of them, including my gigantic pregnant bellies, have made me so happy.

I can recall seeing myself, after returning from my last maternity leave, and noticing that my shoulders were rounded.  I remember thinking to myself, that my goal was to sculpt myself some nice shoulders.

I caught myself in that window the other day.
Goal = achieved.

I am on the single digit weeks in prep for my photo shoot in January, and I am driven as f*ck.
Let me tell you, my focus is sharp, and my "why's" are crystal freakin' clear.
I know why I'm doing this, and I am so confident in myself, that when you have something to say about my transformation, I do not feel the need to respond.  I am just that confident.

I heard a fella on Instagram the other day, Gary Vee, you may have heard of him.  He's a crazy motivating individual, and he will make you believe in your damn self.  He was talking, passionately, about goals. The message was, who's permission are you waiting for?  And it.  Was.  Good.

There were some choice words in his video, but I would venture to say they were warranted, but the truth is that most of us are scared of our goals, sometimes because we are seeking permission from somewhere. Acknowledgment.  Validation.  As if, once we get that, only then can we pursue our goals.  What?!  Like, why?? Sometimes, you need to be super honest with yourself.  What bullsh*t excuse is it this time?  Are you waiting for permission?  Who's green light do you need before you can go on and live the life you want?  Who's?  It has only been when I decided, for my damn self, to do what I want, that I have been the most happy.  That I have felt like I have had the most purpose.

But, why do you want to do a photo shoot?
For myself.  That's it.  Myself.

I do not owe you, or anyone else an explanation.

You?  Person I don't know very well?  Or maybe even person I do know well.  I will not explain to you why I am making the choices I am.  I've learned that opinions should be regarded like shoes.  Check them out, perhaps nod and then move on.  Do.  Not.  Put.  Stock.  Into either shoes or opinions.  Both will come and go, and pass you by, and neither will have any bearing on your life.

I am very close to having my day.  I will be uncomfortable.  I will have some difficult days leading up to.  This is the sprint though.  This is the part where I leave it all out there.  No more saving it.  This is the time to empty the tank.  I did not come this far to only come this far.  My hope is that I will have this memory forever.  There will be photos that will baffle me.  I'm positive there will be bloopers pics too that shall  never be released for other human eyes!  This has been such an emotional ride, and the closer I get, the more I can feel the doubt.  The wishers-that-I-fail-'ers.  It's hard to know that there are people who want to see you fall.  Waiting for it, even.  But my goal this year is that I will not worry about other people.  I will have such strong faith in myself and my abilities, that I won't have the peripheral vision, even, to notice the peanut gallery.

Transformation game is strong, and it's just barely 2018.