Sunday 12 July 2015

Bikini Bods

I wore a bikini.
In public.
Where there were loooooots of people.

Nobody pointed and snickered.
Note to self - during anything UFC in Vegas, the Hotel
Gym will be crowded with posers...
No one gawked, or gave judge-y eyes.
Nobody laughed out loud or made fun of me.

The world kept turning, and nobody really noticed.

It was, most definitely, a milestone day for me.

I wore a different one the next day, and it was just, simply, easier to do.
And, I imagine, I will give fewer and fewer eff's, the more I wear them.

I should mention, that I was wearing these tiny garments while I sat by the pool at the Venetian Hotel in Las Vegas.
I spent two whole days there, while my Mom was at a nerd gathering teacher convention, doing nothing but WHATEVERTHEHELLIWANTEDTO!

It.  Was.  Bliss.

I slept in!  Til 8!  It was nothing short of merciful, as I haven't slept through the night, and then also until 8 in more than 5 years.
Both mornings I went to the gym, and didn't hurry.
The treadmill was a touch screen!  It also had a scale so I couldn't lie about my weight.
I may have muttered, "you don't know me, bitch!", at the treadmill when this happened...

Classic Hot Dog Leg Pose.
I wasn't ready to post a bikini selfie...
I spent as much friggin' time as I wanted in the shower, blowing my hair dry - all the way, and straightening it.  I put on make up - even eyeliner!  Straight!  Because I was rested enough to not have shaky hands!  I put lotion on (I haven't done that since I was dating Blake!  Yikes!), and then donned my bikini to go lay by the pool and read.

BA-LISS, I tell you!

What I did notice by the pool, was that there were a lot of skinny gals wearing bikinis.

I did not say that these girls were fit.
There is a term of endearment for these girls, but I'm not going to use it.

They were skinny.

There were also loads of not so skinny gals wearing bikinis.
And everything in between.


Zarkana - it was Cirque du LSD.
Always exceptional, though.

What did I take away from this first-time experience?

Wear the damn bikini, and know that everybody looks just friggin' fine!

Don't judge, because you are not being judged.
And even if you are, behind those big, ugly, bitchy sunglasses, WHO CARES!
You bought a super cute bikini, so wear the damn thing! 
And not just in your backyard!
Trust me when I say, you look just fine!
Body confidence is so fetch right now!

Now, I'll tell you a little  story that will make wearing a bikini seem like its no big deal.
(It isn't, by the way.)

On our last, beautiful, stress-free evening in Vegas, my Mom and I walked the strip.  I wore a nice, cool dress, as did many other ladies.
We were crossing between hotels and noticed a couple of cabs waiting to turn right, except they could turn, and just weren't...
Then, right before it happened, I heard a girl say,
"they have no choice!"...
And I walked over a huge grate blowing air...
And my dress flew up over my head...
And I got a woohoo.
And it wasn't embarassing at all.
Because I had on really cute ginch.
And I look just friggin' fine.

Every Mom needs to take a trip like this.
It absolutely makes you appreciate your kids, and it's almost like taking a second vacation because you're so excited to see them after being gone for a short time!
Taking selfies is NOT my forte!
I felt like I had a new freshness about me, and for at least three minutes after I first saw them, the kids were super cool and didn't fight or scream or whine.

And then I remembered that I only kinda' missed them for the brief two and half days I was gone.