I'm going to let y'all into my honesty bubble for a minute.
My hubby was at a council meeting one evening, and my two big gals were at Grandma and Grandpa's for a sleepover. So it was just me and the little guy for the night.
I worked out that morning, so that box had been checked, but then I thought to myself, "Self? Y'know what we could do tonight? Just you and me and the munchkin? We could order pizza!"
So, I sat down at the computer and pulled up the online, safe-behind-my-screen-so-I-can-order-whatever-I-want, BP's menu.
Then I thought, man, I don't get an evening with just one kid, where the weather is gorgeous, I haven't run in a gazillion years (or so it feels), and I could totally test out this stupid, bitchin' ankle injury because it doesn't feel too horrendous.
What. A. Conundrum.
Do I order pizza, or go for a run?
I did NOT rely on my shitty willpower.
I do not have any.
Instead, I dug deep down and remembered my why.
Why am I doing all of this?
What are my goals?
My success this time around has very, very little to do with willpower.
Trust me. I have none. Zippo.
It has everything to do with facing every temptation with, why.
Imma' use one of my favorite snacks as an example, because, I don't buy these little gems, unless I would be OK with the consequences of eating the entire box.
See? Eff the willpower!
Oreos.
I'd like to eat two oreos.
Alright, since you're already in the bubble, two more oreos!
Because, well, they're oreos and I worked out.
And I deserve to eat two more goddamn oreos.
Stop. And just think for one second.
Why are you doing this?
Will this choice, this little, not so long lasting struggle, get me to my goals?
It isn't reaffirming every day, why you are doing this.
It's reaffirming at every crossroad choice.
Every choice during the day that challenges you, and that isn't a healthy one.
You will have LOADS of these decisions in the beginning of the journey because the lousy behaviors are more natural than the healthier ones, but the difficult choices will become fewer and fewer until there might only be a few a day, but then again there might be an entire day's worth for several days.
You must face, head on, each difficult decision, with the question;
Why?
And you may have to do this over, and over, and over again.
And, truthfully, some days the lousy choices will be made.
It's OK.
Learning to accept that there will be failure, is, in fact, success!
It's kinda' like teaching your kids, well, pretty much anything.
You will have to repeat the lesson again, and again, and again...
I'm at about a year of weight maintenance.
For one whole year, I have consistently worn the same clothes.
The same size clothes.
I'm unsure if I have ever done this before.
Ever.
In fact, I feel like I can say with a fair amount of certainty, that I've never done this.
I still reach for my jeans and think, shit, these babies aren't going to fit today, and yet, for an entire year, they have! Some days they're a little snugger than others, but never so snug that I can't still wear them.
(Bless you loose, flowy tops for just such days!)
After a year, do I feel like I've got everything figured out? No. Nope. HAHAHAHA!
No.
I still struggle.
I still feel like I could so easily fall back into old habits and end up where I was.
And I could.
I will forever have to remind myself, why.
Because I am an addict.
Not only have I maintained for a year, but I haven't stepped on a scale in months.
MONTHS!!!
I used to be a slave to that lying bitch!
The last time I stepped on it, I was 10lbs heavier than 6 months before.
But those jeans? They still fit.
The fact that I'd swapped my 40+km weekly mileage in favor of more heavy weightlifting, might have something to do with that.
So more than my weight remaining largely the same for the past year, I'm way more proud of the fact that I'm listening to my body and trying to fuel it and remember how it feels when I fuel it with garbage, so my motivation stays, why.
So, why am I going to forego those two oreos?
Because my love for oreos will never wane, but I know there will be another chance, another day for a couple of oreos.
But today, right this minute, my goals are more important.
