Dear (Almost) Three-Year-Old Audrey

Tomorrow you turn three years old.

THREE!

Where have the past three years gone!

Here you are on December10,2009.  Bright and Shiny and brand new!

It seems like yesterday that we were packing up a tiny 7lb10oz baby into a too-large carseat to take home. 

I'm writing you a letter because I want to tell you about the crazy amount of joy and absolute sheer happiness that you have brought to our lives.

Since you arrived, we have been able to witness all of your growing-up's.

We have watched you roll, sit, stand, walk, pee on the potty, talk and aside from the typical milestones you've hit, you have grown into one of the coolest chicks we've ever known.

Everyday you astound me!  You have an incredible memory and you love to make up silly songs and just be silly in general!  (That is, afterall, what we live by:  Be Silly~Be Honest~Be Kind.)

I love the way you snuggle with Ellie.  The way you throw your arm over her while you snooze, as if you are her protector.

I also love the way to get so excited over your favorite things - M&M's, Maverick, Mickey Mouse and TRUCKS!

When I come home from running, or bootcamp or just being out, you run to the door and say, "Hi Mom!  How was running/bootcamp/shopping?"

LAWD How I love that!!

I love how right at this very moment, as I write this post, you are tucked right in beside me, with your little arm wiggled under my elbow, and you've just said, "Mom, I love ya'"

Here you are with me at the end of my PB half marathon.
You inspire me to be better!

It's impossble to imagine what our life was like before you, and it's strange how much enrichment one little person can add to to so many lives.

Your grandparents have nicknamed you Sunshine and Vitamin A, and it's easy to understand why.

You.  Are.  Infectious.

I know that someday you will do great things and no matter what, you will always, always make us proud.

 

I'm sure the next three years will go by just as fast (or faster!) than the last, but I want you to know that being your Mom has been one of the best things to ever happen to me and I feel so humbled to know you and experience you every day!

 





Candle Lake
May 2010

I couldn't have known what a wonderful and loving
big sister you would be!

Being silly!  You\re quite good at that!  ;)

You have been at every single one
of my races!  Thank you!

We had so much fun making these memories
and we will have these beautiful photos forever!

You are such a cute little 'imp'
and everytime I see a picture of you, I can't
help but grin!

As a baby, you made us work SO hard for
the tiniest smile!  So we've got lots ot pics like this, ya goofus!

Halloween 2011
Cutest chicken EVER!

We employed you to announce your sisters' impending
arrival!  You were proud before she ever came!

 







Every Year

I was driving to my bootcamp class this evening, when I very suddenly had an awful feeling, in the pit of my stomach that nearly took my breath away and left me with a pain in my gut.
I found myself wondering, what on earth could make me feel this way, and before I could even finish thinking those words, I remembered.
I remembered that around this time, the holiday season, seven years ago, seven years ago, was the time that you were ill and eventually passed.
It still seems fresh, and raw, even after all these years.
I still remember driving, every weekend for seven hours, for weeks and weeks, just to see you for a few days.
I would give almost anything to spend all my weekends driving, however far it be, to see you again.
I remember praying harder and more than I ever had before.  Praying that you would get better.  Praying that you wouldn't suffer anymore, but that you would recover and come home.  Praying that this wasn't your time, because you're one of the good ones.
I remember and feel the pain as if it happened yesterday.

I wish that you could have met my husband, and our beautiful children.  One of whom is named after you.
I wish that you could have met all the new members of our family.
I wish that you were here with us, instead of in heaven watching over us.

The songs they played at your funeral, I Can Only Imagine and Silent Night, still bring tears to my eyes in an instant.
It's true that time heals, but time doesn't forget, and I'm grateful for that.
I will never, ever forget you.

I miss you Grandpa, and I love you.

The Evolution

It amazes me how different my two children are, and also how my love for them can be so different.

Audrey is nearly three years old and so we've had the pleasure of having her in our lives for much longer than Ellie.
I don't know if the diversity of love for one's children is a taboo subject because it may imply that there is an inequality, or if it simply isn't something we discuss because at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter.  In any case, it is something I could not have known I would feel.
The analogy I use for this is to have a new car.
I know, children should not be compared to cars, but for the sake of a comparison, I'm goin' there!

Having a new baby is like waking up every morning knowing that there is a brand new car in your drive way, except the novelty lasts much longer than that of a new car.  ;)
Having a toddler is like waking up every morning knowing there is a brand new car in your drive way also.
Except that car is a Lamborghini.

I love my children without exception and without question and I would never, ever, ever say that I love either one of them 'more', because that will never be the case.
The difference is, that we have had three years of Audrey, and only 5 months of Ellie.
We have had the chance already to watch Audrey grow, change and develop into a dynamic and interesting little girl.
I know we will have the same opportunities with Ellie, and I'm so very grateful for that.

I found a RARE photo of the four of us on Ellie's 'birth'day!
She's only a handful of minutes old!

I'm unsure of how my love for them will change in another three years, but the thought that we will be lucky enough to go through this again with another beautiful little gaffer, is enough to make me wake up every day excited - both for the brand new Toyota and the Lamborghini!

Goals, Inspirations & Aspirations

Goals, inspirations and aspirations...
What's the diff?

To me, a goal is something I am GOING to do.
I've registered for the Hypothermic Half Marathon for February 10, 2013.

An inspiration is someone, or something that makes me want to go for a run, or workout, or get outside my comfort zone.

An aspiration is something that I WANT to do.
I recently read a story about a friend of a friend (this story is actually true, I promise!), who lost 125lbs over the course of 5 years, and just yesterday completed an Ironman.
The whole thing.
By herself.

This story INSPIRED me to ASPIRE to do an ironman.

I was also inspired to register for the Hypothermic Half today, which means that I will do it.
Check it out, I'm on the confirmed list!
Any runner knows that if you drop $73 on a race, there's almost nothing that will stop you from getting your arse to the start line!

This story also sparked my interest in doing another marathon (I'm aiming for the Edmonton Intact in August 2013), and in a few years, after some triathlons (I'm also aiming to do three sprint triathlons over the course of the summer of 2013!), to train for and complete an ironman myself.

When I finish the 1/2 marathon in February, and I'm sure I haven't sustained any more injuries or aggravated the old ones, I plan to register for the Intact marathon and continue training, which means that from this point on, and until mid August, my Sundays will have long runs and my weeks will be filled with bootcamp, short weekday runs and hill runs.

I feel like training is an innate part of my identity.
Knowing that my legs can carry my body over some tremendous distances, has absolutely helped to shape the person I am today.
There have been countless times during my life that I have drawn upon my running experiences to get through a difficult or stressful situation.
Most recently, during my labour with Ellie, when I felt weak, I remember saying to my husband that I felt like I was at mile 20 of the marathon.
At mile 20, I stopped.
I said to my brother and Dad that I was tired, and sore and that 20 miles was enough.
Of course, I didn't stop and I finished the marathon.
All 26.2miles of it.

So, my life is once again dedicated to training and running a couple of large events in the coming months and I really, honestly couldn't be more thrilled!

I'm excited for what my athletic future holds and I hope that I can add triathlete to my sporting resume.
I aspire to someday be assigned an ironman race number that my friends and family can follow during the day-long event!

Thank you Deirdre for sharing your friends' story!
If you happen to read this, please let her know that she has inspired me!

If You Always Do What You've Always Done...

...Then you'll always get what you've always got.

This saying has resonated with me for the past few months, and today, as I was running, I felt stronger and faster as a result.

I've been a runner for more than 15 years, and I've worked out, or done some kind of exercise on a very regular basis, for longer than that.
Long story short, exercise has never been something I'm afraid of, and particularly, intense exercise.

For as many years as I would consider myself a regular exerciser, I've also been anywhere from slightly overweight to obese, by a BMI standard.  My scale has frequently registered a 2 in front of the rest of the numbers.  So frequently, that it has never fazed me.  And I don't consider that a bad thing.  Not attaching my self-worth to the number on the scale is a GOOD thing.
And I'm still not trying to amount myself to numbers on a scale, don't get me wrong.
My point is that I feel that I have found my perfect (or close to!) personal equation.  I have found a healthy way to eat and an exercise balance that is simply resulting in weight loss, and more importantly, the fittest me that has ever existed.

As I was out for my 5.5km run, for the second day in a row, I found myself feeling lighter on my feet.  I did not struggle at any point, even the hills, and my normally 38-40 minute time has now become 32-33.
I feel incredible.
I can't help but smile for much of my run, as I repeat in my head the mantra that titles this post.

For my entire life, I have been stuck in an exercise and food 'rut', and now, at 31 years old, I've come out of it!

That's a long time!  However, if it was all to get to this point, then it was all worth it.

Since the day I had Miss E, I am down 44lbs.  But this is not the end, by any stretch, but more like the mid-way point.  I can feel myself slipping into a comfort zone, as my clothes all fit, well, and when I look in the mirror I'm happy with what I see.
My goal isn't necessarily to weigh a certain number (if anyone's seen Knocked Up, I'm not going to choose a number on the scale and then, weigh that!), but rather to continue to eat well and exercise and let my body take care of the rest.
I have taken a picture a couple of weeks ago, and I have yet to decide if I'm going to share it at any point, so count yourself lucky if it ever shows up here because it took a lot of guts simply to TAKE the intrepid bikini photo!

I'm going to leave a link to my current favourite running song, and if it happens to inspire you to pound out a few kilometers, I'm sorry.  Except that I'm not, because if you've read this and you want to go for a run, that's fantastic and I encourage you to do it!  You will NOT regret it!  ;)

Sweet Nothing - Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch

First Race Post Baby #2 and Future Racing Plans

I registered for the St. Albert Fall Challenge on Aug 25, and we ran on September 23.

Since Vitamin E was 12 weeks old on Aug 26,  that meant on race day she was just shy of 4 months. 

4 months!

When Vitamin A was around 4 months old, I ran a 5km race, so I am very proud of the hard work and progress I've made this time around.
On race day, I felt incredible.  I've been eating well and trying to listen to my body so I took it easy on the hills and pushed when I felt I had it in me.
My Dad actually started around 0.5km behind me, to make up for the 1.1km extra of the half marathon he was running, so I was sure he would catch up to me soon.
Not so!  I carried a fairly consistent 6 minute kilometre race pace, and brisk walk breaks every 10 minutes.  I could feel a blister on my right foot at the 7th km, but I kept repeating in my head, "What are you saving it for?".
That day, I didn't save anything!  At the last 800m or so, my Dad caught up to me, and not a minute too soon!  I needed that final push to run the last (uphill!) stretch of the race.
One of the things I take pleasure in the most, is running with my Dad.
Truly.
And running through the finish line, once again, to a personal best time, made for a very memorable day!

I ran a 1:02 on this course and I was really pleased, to say the least!

Now that I'm comfortable running 10km, I'm looking to start training for the Hypothermic half marathon.

Trouble is, I'm more nervous to start increasing my distance than ever before.

I've not run more than about 10km since the marathon and subsequent ankle injury.

I have yet to run completely pain or discomfort-free and although by the time I finish running, I feel great, the beginning of each run starts with a nagging right ankle and more recently, a tight left achilles tendon.

I'm aware that I'm not a young runner (this is true!  In four more years I can register as a veteran, or master!), but I also think that with proper cross training, stretching and generally just taking care of my body, I should feel fine better than ever, running.

I'm sure some physiotherapy would help, so I'm going to add that to my regime as I begin training for the February half marathon, but I'm really not sure there's much more I can do.
It's too bad running & I have this crazy love affair, or I think we would just break up...

This is my Dad, Audrey (crying) and I crossing the 10km finish line.
My Dad was only half done.
No one likes two loop races.
Take note race organizers...

I was trying to have a snooze with my two little monkey girls, but as I'm finding more and more, my mind seems to have other plans that do not include resting.

I'm tired.

As in, two diet cokes down and it's only 2:30pm.

Really tired.

If being tired is the worst thing about being a parent, and I think it might be, then I'll take it.  It's the best job on the planet and if you're considering it - then DO IT!

OK, I just had to plug parenthood a little, but I'm done now.  At least for today!  ;)

I know that I need to start planning Audrey's birthday and getting a start on Christmas, but I really love nothing more than to lay beside my two amazing little girls and watch them sleep.

Don't judge me.  I know you do it too.  And if you don't, then give it a try.

Children are miracles.  Absolute marvels.  I cannot believe that two sets of genetics can combine (twice!) to create two perfect little people.

*sigh* Can life get any better?

Here's monkey girl #1 lying in the grass waiting for Papa
to cross the finish line.  He ran a 2:04 half!  It was a great day!

Oh Me Nerves!

It is the eve before my first race post-Ellie.
And I'm nervous.
It's a feeling most, if not all runners are familiar with.
My stomach is in knots and my mind is going over the possible race scenarios.
By morning I will be a bundle of crazy anxiety and until my race is done, I won't feel like myself.
Now, I have run countless races and run countless L-O-N-G training runs, but each and every time I am scheduled to run 10km or more, I get nervous!
I know, without a doubt, that my body can do this distance, but I still, every time get nervous.
For me, it's what makes me feel like a runner.  A real, bonified runner.
I know that lots of runners will never cross a finish line, and that doesn't make them any less of a runner.  But personally, the thrill of standing like a herd of cattle in a start line corral (true name - not made up!) is a feeling like no other.

I know, and I can tell anyone who's contemplating doing their first race, that if you register for the race, put in the miles and get your rear to the start line, that you will finish.
And the medal that will be placed around your neck at the end of the race cannot compare to the pride you will carry with you forever.
The race numbers, timing chips, last minute bathroom breaks - they're all part of the nerves, and ultimately, the race experience.
Until you've stood in a long line of runners at a single porta potty in a 300 participant race, you have not pushed your nerves to their fraying threshold.
It is exhilarating to hear the gun or the tone to signal the beginning of the race, and then feel the crowd's excitement as the people start surging forward.
I always reflect on the runners in the crowd who may be running their first race, or their first 5km ever, or 10km ever, and can't help but feel inspired.
This is what sparked my own temptation to run a marathon, and I am definitely feeling it again!
To step foot over the furthest distance you've ever done - 11km, past your first 10 or 22km, past your first 21 is such a unique feeling and unfortunately, one that cannot be duplicated.
Having done a marathon, I know that I can do the distance - just as I know I can do the distance tomorrow, yet I sometimes miss the feeling of running further than I ever have before.

I guess it might be time for a 50km race?

Some Wisdom for my Monkey Girls...

When a woman imagines herself with her future children, often she has an image of what and who these children will be.
I've always known I wanted children, however my image always included two boys.
When Audrey was born and my husband announced that it was a SHE, no one was more shocked than me.  I truly felt with every fibre of my being that we were coming home with an Owen, and I can honestly say that bringing home a little girl was one of the most incredible, beautiful moments of my life.  What a special gift to have a little sugar and spice of my own!
Imagine my surprise when during our mid-pregnancy ultrasound, we learned we were to have another beautiful daughter!  My image couldn't have been more wrong!  And yet I count myself so incredibly lucky to have two amazingly stunning girls!
Now, being a girl myself, I feel that I've got a little bit of life experience (31+ years to be exact!) that I want to pass on to my girls.
I will never, ever call myself an expert on anything because there is always something to be learned from someone else, and the process of learning is what makes life interesting.
I want to share some lessons I've learned along my own journey with my girls.
This, of course, is a work in progress.

Dear Audrey & Ellie,
These are my own personal words for you.  These are not rules.  I only want to share with you some things I've learned that have enriched my life.

• Dr.Seuss is a great and knowledgable teacher.

"Be who you are say what you feel because those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter.".
This is REALLY great advice, and only a small taste of the abundance Dr.Seuss has to offer.

• Listen.

And listen well.  This skill will not fail you.  People love to talk, but genuine listening is getting lost amongst the words.

• Be confident.  You are an amazing individual.  I know this because you are and will be surrounded by amazing individuals who only want the best for you.  Confidence will be your most beautiful attribute.  Not everyone is in your corner, but I hope you will learn not to listen to negatrons (as your Dad calls them!).

• Love many.  Trust few.  Always paddle your own canoe.

My own Mother, your Nana, gave me this advice many times during my childhood.  It boils down to giving your love freely, but not being naive.  You will learn, that few people truly have your best interests at heart.  That's ok, because you will be a strong, independent woman.

• Don't sweat the small stuff.  This is a piece of advice that can be very difficult to take!  I still struggle with this - please don't ever hesitate to remind me!  If it will not matter in 5 years, then it will not matter.  Let it go.  It will bring you peace.

• Practice humility and empathy.  The world is full of people. Be considerate of others, always.   It is not always about you and no one owes you anything, so be a good citizen of the world.  You will get what you give.

• Be friendly and smile.  Lots.  

You will be judged within moments of meeting someone.  A generally happy demeanor and a genuine smile will speak much louder than any introduction.  You never have to wear makeup.  Ever.  Unless you want to.  Because a smile is all anyone will see on your beautiful face, if you wear it sincerely.

• Do not spend your days trying to be right.  Life is not about proving yourself and when one person is right, then another is wrong.  Just be confident and let others do the right-fighting.  You will have better things to do with your time and efforts.

• Be present.  This simply means that what has happened cannot be changed and what will happen cannot be controlled.  All you have is now.  Right now.  So make it count.

Finally, I love you.
Simply and in a way that I can never fully put into words.  You have made my life more full than I ever dreamed it could be.  Please remember that when you have a terrible, horrible, no good very bad day.  Or week.  Or year.  Your Daddy and I love you unconditionally and of all the little girls in all the whole world, we got the two best ones.  How could we be so crazy lucky?!

Seriously.  HOW did we get so lucky!?!?

XOXO  Mommy

Barefoot Running OR How Not to Injure Yourself

About 10 days before I ran the marathon in Vegas in December of 2009, I went for a 16km mid-week taper run with a friend.  During this run I had a nagging pain in my right ankle that got progressively worse and continued to plague me during my last training runs before the race.
You would think that if one has pain in their ankle that is not resolving, that one should stop running.
At this point in my training, discontinuing training was NOT an option.
So, instead, I employed anyone - including chiropractors, physiotherapists and a psychic (not really, but I did consult my magic 8 ball...) to 'fix' me so that I COULD run 42.2 km.
Smart, right?
But short of physically dying or a broken leg, I was going to cross the finish line.
Unfortunately, this injury was not a minor one and the act of running the marathon actually gave me a rather severe stress fracture.
During the race I was doped up on 10 ultra-mega-just-about-enough-to-kill-you pain killers, and even that wasn't enough to mask the pain so that I could utilize my buggered ankle to run the f*&$ing race.
I found a package of Advil on the ground during the race and proceeded to take the wonderful caplets of relief at around mile 20, or in Canadian distance, 30km.
This is a true story.
I promise you this, as I had two witnesses to this act.
You may be thinking to yourself, "why would someone take unknown drugs off the road in a place like Las Vegas?".
Let me tell you why.
Because your ankle is SCREAMING and BEGGING and CRYING for you to stop because it's broken.
Yep.
Not sprained, or strained or uncomfortable, but broken.  As in, a little piece of my bone was obliterated.  And that bone happened to be an anchor for a rather important ligament.
Ahhhhhhhh, so THAT'S why it took months and months to heal!!!
MRI's, X-ray's and bone scans would eventually bring me to an orthopedic surgeon who would tell me that I'm anatomically not built to run.
Well, DUH?!?!?!  Tell me something I DON'T know and then fix me so I may continue to run...
What eventually came from this catastrophe (at least, for a runner it was a catastrophe), was that my physiotherapist introduced me to barefoot running.
She did a gait analysis for me, and explained to me that a heel strike is a runner's nemesis and the reason for many running injuries.
Try running on your toes, she said.
So I did.  And I can tell you that after my first run, my calves were on FIRE!
BUT, to this day I continue to run this way and have run injury free.  I run lighter and easier than I used to in my heavily padded shoes and with a heel strike.
I've included two resources including some videos about how to run barefoot, which is also known as natural running or Chi running.
They're very similar in that they allow your body to be in a relaxed and natural position so that running is not strenuous or hard on your bones and joints.

I won't pretend to be an expert on barefoot running, however I myself AM a barefoot runner and so I can tell you that thus far, I have not incurred another injury.
I've watched the videos and read about barefoot running and from the second resource, there are 5 principles of Chi running.
Number two is my favorite and is actually quite similar to the way I live my entire life!
EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT!  So the same principles applied to different people will produce different results and that's just fine!
DISCLAIMER: I don't actually run in my bare feet.  It's a technique I use while wearing minimalist shoes.  There are, however, people who run in bare feet.

I'm including a really great quote that I know all runners will relate to.
And also a picture of lil E.
I sure hope my girls love running the way their Mama does!  ;)

I believe this whole-heartedly.

http://naturalrunningcenter.com/2012/03/06/video-the-principles-natural-running/

             http://www.active.com/women/Articles/5-Elements-of-Chi-Running.htm

Here's Vitamin E tucked in at 3:50am.
I love her to bits even then!

Sooooo, you wanna be a runner...

A good friend of mine recently asked me for some advice about running.  I don't consider myself an expert, by any means, but I guess 15 years of running and countless races have given me a bit of experience and I definitely know what works for me!

The first thing to consider is gear.  I've never been much of a shopper, so I tend to wear out my clothes before I purchase more!  I've posted a photo of what I wear for 10km or less.  The only thing missing is socks, and my faves are double layer from the Running Room.
My go-to store for running attire is called One Tooth.  There is a store in West Edmonton and one in St Albert.  Their clothing is LuLu-ish, but not as price-y and lasts forever!  (Probably why I like it...less shopping!).  I also tend to wear shirts I've earned from the races I've run.  They're something of a badge of honor, and it's really bad luck to wear a shirt from a race you didn't run...or so they say...
I invest my money in two places.  My running bras and my running shoes.  Both can make or break your running experience.  I've worn the same shoes for years - Mizuno Wave Rider, but have had to switch to Saucony Kinvara as a less padded shoe.  I'll try to elaborate on minimalist running another time - but I'm very new to barefoot running and I should do a little research!
Shoes are very personal and the best way to find your shoes is to go to a store - Running Room, United Cycle and Track & Trail employ runners and can help you into a pair of shoes that you will race home to put on and run in.  At least, that's what I always do! ;)
If you're a gal, then a running bra is important too.  Especially if you are gifted in the chest department, as I am.  Don't be jealous, we all have special attributes!
Running bras have come a LONG way in the years that I've been a runner.  I used to be a double bra uni kinda girl, but no one needs to run with a boob-tube anymore!  One of my first experiences trying on running bras included me, in a changing room, with a bra that was so tight that my right arm was virtually glued to the side of my head and my body was twisted and tangled into a Cirque du Soleil contortionist pose.  I nearly yelled for help and a pair of scissors.  I know if you've been running for any amount of time, you've had the same experience.  Sweaty-too-tight-bra-trying-on is just one of the trials that binds runners together!
You might also notice in the picture a rather large watch.  Yes.  That's a friggin watch.  And as you might be asking yourself, my left arm is much larger and stronger than my right because of it.  It's a Garmin GPS watch and it's something of a relic, as there have been many newer, smaller models released.  If you're reading this, Garmin people, I could use a new one!
A GPS watch will log your run.  It will tell you how far you've run, how much incline you've gained/lost and how many calories you've burned.  I'm sure it does much more than that, but those are my favorite applications.  It will also track your run/walk times.  This is actually why I wear it.  I'm a 10:1 runner.  I run for 10 minutes and walk for 1.
I also listen to music. I know.  It's dangerous.  Whatever.  Ke$ha and Brit keep my pace up.

Pile of sweaty running gear - missing socks...whoops!

After you've got your gear figured out, you are ready to head out!
The hardest thing about being a runner is getting your butt out the door. Once you're out there, it's actually quite easy. One step in front of the other! That's all there is to it!
As for run/walking, I really do believe in the Running Room and Jeff Galloway running programs, which both employ run/walking.
When I am easing back into running, say, after having a baby or a serious injury, I tend to run/walk for equivalent times. 1 minute:1 minute. Then I add a minute of running every week until I'm up to 10 and 1.
If you're not familiar with run/walking, then you might think that during a race this technique will cause you to have a slower time.
Not true at all.
You do not saunter during your walk breaks! You hustle! But this break allows you to have a little bit more pep in your step when you are up and running again and also decreases injury. There are studies about this, but I don't have the energy to dig them up...sorry. Just trust me on this one.
Once you've become totally addicted to running and haven't quite grasped how you lived so long without doing it (wha? that's just me? oh...), you will want to register for a race.
There is NO better motivator than an investment in a race. Especially if this investment includes plane tickets and a hotel room for a night or four. If you register for a half marathon six months from now, be damned if you won't complete it because your name will appear on the registration list for all to see!
And finally, if you've registered and trained for a race, then just get yourself to the start line. You might as well consider yourself a racer at that point because you WILL finish the race. Standing in the herd of runners, often huddling in scanty clothing at 6 or 7 on a chilly morning, you will feel like part of an exclusive club. And you are. You are a bonified runner.
NOT a jogger. What an insult! We are not leisurely bounding around, we are RUNning, and with purpose. NOT. F-ING. JOGGING.
That is all.

I thought I should include a picture of my super cute babes while they took a nap today. I knew you'd wanna see 'em.

www.runningroom.com
www.onetoothyoga.com
www.garmin.com
www.jeffgalloway.com
www.unitedcycle.com
www.trackntrail.ca

Just givin' props...

Puttin' it Out There

The girls and I have been away for the past three weeks vacationing with my Mom and Dad.  We've travelled together in their motorhome and miraculously, we've managed to stay friends!
Even more than that, we've created memories for the girls and I that will last a lifetime.
We visited family in Saskatchewan and attempted to enjoy the sunshine, however, we were only able to take in a handful of sunny days as the torrential downpour and storm warnings rain seemed to follow us everywhere.
Fortunately, with all the help I had to take care of my munchkins, I was able to do ALOT of exercising.  I ran, biked and did makeshift bootcamp workouts.  I even had my Dad do a couple of bootcamp workouts with me.  He did.............ok. Love ya Dad!
One of my runs was an 8.4km trek across the great plain of Saskatchewan.  Although I know that it's flat, (I mean really flat.  I mean there were several times I could see far, far ahead of me into the distance.  Like, really, really flat.) I still get nervous to do a distance that is further than I have run recently.  I couldn't help but think that only 1.5 years ago I would have turned around and run 8.4km 4 more times!  That is a crazy thought.  And also my ultimate goal.
I aspire to run another marathon.  But this time I would like to be lighter.  And, hopefully faster.
I would like to be kinder to my body.  This body that has never let me down, although I have asked it to run, bike, swim, burpee, jack squat, lunge, pushup etc. deserves more from me.
My girls and husband deserve more from me.  I deserve more.
During our beach days, I couldn't help but notice body types.  And I've come to appreciate the truly fit bods, as I will be on my own journey for the next year to become an envied body on the beach.  I want to be the "Wow, I can't believe she has two kids!" gal.  ;)
To get fit is only one step.  To maintain fitness is forever.
I've exercised my whole life and although I've never been slim (which is NOT my goal), I've also never been at a healthy weight for any lengthy amount of time.

Here are my girls.
Having girls will force one to consider what kind of role model one wants to be.
They are so young and beautiful and are not yet tainted by the ridiculous expectations of the cruel, vain world.
I know it's naive to believe that they will never diet or try to change the way they look, but I want them to always know that their Mom & Dad love them always.  No matter how they look.
I think that for me, it will be important to demonstrate how to live a healthy, active lifestyle.  To show them that nothing in life worth having is easy.  That taking care of our bodies is far more important that how they look.

These girls deserve the best me that I can give them, and that means that I must take care of me.

Aren't they fantastic??

My Natural Water Birth

So, 10 days after my ESTIMATED due date, Miss Ellie Connor Adams entered peacefully into the world.  Here's my labour & birth story.

Friday evening.  Overdue day 9.  My hubby and I decided to go to a movie in the city and leave Miss A with her Nana and Papa, since they would be with us until Tuesday.  We thought we would take advantage of the help, and go on a date while there were still only three of us.
During the movie, I started having some mild contractions that were around 6 minutes apart, but not very intense.  Came home, went to bed, but only two contractions woke me in the night.  This  had been happening for weeks.  I was not getting too excited, even though by then I was 10 days overdue.
On the morning of day 10, a Monday, my husband went to work, my Dad went to teach a course in the city, and my contractions came back.  I hadn't been sharing my contractions with my Mom, because until then, I was sure they would amount to nothing.  This time I told her and said that we should pack up A and head to West Edmonton Mall to walk so that I could try and gain some momentum.

I had an appointment for a non-stress test at the Sturgeon hospital at 1pm that day, so we walked around the mall, shopped, had lunch and then headed to the hospital.  My contractions were actually getting stronger and had a pattern!  My body was actually doing what it was supposed to do - naturally!!
At 1pm, I was hooked up to the fetal monitor at the Sturgeon, while my Mom waited in the car with A, who was sleeping.  It was supposed to take 30 min, and then we were going back to the mall to walk.
Instead, I was there for 3 hours - which included several blood pressure checks that snowballed into bloodwork and the threat that I might have to stay to be medically induced.
This was my worst nightmare.
Both of mine and my Mom's cellphones were almost dead at this time (darn contraction timers!), and we corresponded with my midwives from the hospital on 1% and 3% batteries.  When they asked how I was, I told them I was fine and that I would come in the next morning for an attempt at natural induction.  This was at 4pm.
By 4:01pm, everything changed.
My contractions were suddenly very clearly getting stronger and longer.
As I laboured in the parking lot of the Sturgeon hospital, my Mom ran inside to call the birth centre to tell them we were, in fact, coming.
My Dad was on his way to the Sturgeon and Blake had no idea what was going on.  Save for a couple of text messages, he thought it was just another false labour day.
My Mom drove, in rush hour, on the freeway, while I gave directions in between contractions.
We arrived at the Lucina Centre at 4:55pm.  I called Blake, who was just leaving work to go home.  He arrived at 5:35pm and I was already in the bath tub.
Labour was intense.  Easily the most intense 2.5 hours of my entire life.  I don't want to say that it was painful, because I trusted my body and knew that this intensity was necessary for us to meet our baby.
Because I'd had an epidural previously, I didn't recognize the urge to push.  When I finally decided that yes, I think pushing is next, it felt so good!  It was a relief to be working with my contractions and not just through them.
I started pushing at 6:00pm.  Ellie arrived at 6:23pm after only two contractions.  The cord was wrapped around her neck and shoulder, but she was perfect.
My Mom got to be present just as she came out and was placed on my chest in the tub.  A dream she had, and I was happy to be a part of, as she was my support during the entire day!

Even as I write this post, it seems absolutely surreal that only 9 days ago I had such a powerful life experience.  Natural birth is in a different realm from medicated births.  It is calm and peaceful and just seems so 'right'.
If there is ever a baby Adams #3, I would, without a second thought, be delivering at the birth centre again.
What a profound journey it has been and we are crazy in love with our new daughter!

PICTURES TO BE ADDED LATER

Two Days

I am two days away from my due date.
I was induced 5 days before my due date with my last baby, and so at this point, last time, I was already a Mom.
This fact makes it exponentially more difficult to still be pregnant two days before my due date.
I am fully expecting to be pregnant at this time next week, and possibly for the rest of my life.

Well, I'm sure the baby and universe have other plans.  But right now, I feel as though I will simply continue to grow a baby into a toddler within my uterus.

Every woman who has ever been pregnant knows that the last few weeks of pregnancy can be very uncomfortable.  But the very last week, if you are cursed lucky enough to make it to 40 weeks can be not only the MOST uncomfortable days of your life, but also very emotionally draining as you literally wait, and wait, and wait. To go into labour.
Having never had this happen to me before.  I continue to wait to fall into this mythical period, called 'labour'.
Every cramp, braxton hick contraction, back ache, I PRAY will turn into the most painful experience of my life.
I am currently PRAYING to be in an immeasurable amount of pain. That's right.  If that is my golden ticket out of pregnancy, then I want it, as Smegol wanted that damn ring.

I am hoping that my next post includes the addition of another occupant on the planet.
Otherwise, I will continue growing this baby into a toddler...

May Day!

My due date is 18 days away.
I was reminded of the power (READ: pain!!) of labour earlier in the month when I had several days worth of contractions that lead up to prelabour and then fizzled into nothing.
It was ok, because I'm not ready and I'd rather this little peanut put on another lb or two before making its escape.
It was ok except for the terrifying hour and twenty minutes of hard contractions.  Contractions that felt and could be seen as abdomen wrenching, tightening that released for what felt like JUST enough time to catch a breath before launching into the next.
Goddamnit.  What am I IN for!?!?!?!?!
It was an unpleasant reminder of my last labour, over two years ago.
But my last labour was induced, and in so many ways, I feel like my last birth experience was somehow "robbed" from me because of the chemical intervention.
The day of my prelabour, I had flashbacks to my first hospital labour when I spent, what felt like hours, but was in reality not even one hour, crouched over an exercise ball.  Crouched over this plastic ball, kneeling on a hospital floor while a nurse held a monitor to my belly on one side and my husband and doula spoke encouraging words on the other.
Each contraction overtook me.
After reading several books about birthing naturally, I now believe that a hospital is not an ideal location for having a baby.
I wonder if the "emergent" atmosphere of the hospital that night, was in some way responsible for my own feelings of inadeqaucy?
While I am terrified and excited for my impending birth, this time around, I am also aware that my surroundings will be very different, and this time I know the strength of my body and understand that this time the hormones surging through my body will be all my own, and not dripping through a tube into my veins.
Hopefully my "May Day" comes sooner, rather than later...

For the Love of Running

In my years of running (16 to be exact), I have come across many types of people.  I have had some of the most incredible supporters, and I have also encountered some of the most negative people I have every met in my life.
I run to spite the negative guys.
One of my most favorite sayings of all time goes along the lines of, the greatest accomplishment in life is doing what others say you cannot do, but do not quote me on that!
I truly gain more when I complete a race that is further, or faster than my doubters, or even I thought I could accomplish.  And believe me, I can be one of the most negative people in my own life - and that doesn't apply only to running!  But that's a whole other can of worms...
As my belly expands in size and I count down the weeks left to meet this amazing little person, I find myself daydreaming about my return to running and it is easily, and without doubt the one thing that I look forward to most once I am done being pregnant.
I am planning races, both short and long, familiar and new so that I can strive towards new running goals.  Running is such an innate part of who I am that I truly don't think I will ever NOT be a runner.
I am not built like a runner.  In fact, I believe that my gene lineage comes from a group of ancient Japanese Sumo wrestlers.  Seriously.  If you didn't know me and I told you I was a runner, you would probably quietly think to yourself, 'yah, I bet you run to the fridge alot'.
And I can't blame you.
I.  Am.  Not.  Built.  Like.  A.  Runner.
But I do it anyways.  And I in turn find it eternally frustrating when someone who is 10, or 20 or 40 pounds lighter than me say that they can't run.
EVERYONE can run.  But not everyone WILL run.
This post was inspired by a video that a triathlete friend of mine shared with me.  It is about two women, well into their 60s and 70s who have both completed a 100 MILE race.  I just wrote MILE.  That's 160 km.  Nearly 4 marathons, ran at once.
I want to be a Grandmother of Endurance, and here is the link to their running story.

Grandmother's of Endurance

Gold Star Parenting?

The learning curve for parents is anything but a curve. I'm not even sure one should try and graph it because it seems that as soon as you can pat yourself on the back for mastering something, the very next day you will fail miserably at it.
But I think that this is a mentality that is hard to kick, but also very necessary to becoming a great parent.
Parenting is about learning, but it isn't about learning to be the best.  It is about learning how to create a family with the people who live under the roof.  Your children don't care if your house is spotless, or that you can change your own tire.  They also have no interest in your own self-hatred, so stop beating yourself up for every damn thing!
Children are extremely observant and one of my biggest challenges, given that we will have two daughters soon, is making sure not to be too hard on myself.
When you don't have children, your inner voice can tell you all sorts of nasty things and you are more than welcome to listen and agree, however, once you become a Mom or a Dad, you are now the direct role model and first influence on your kids and the LAST thing I want to teach my girls is that television and magazines, and God help me, even those catty bitches in her kindergarten class are right.
So, the point of this post is that I really do think that parents should be giving themselves more 'Gold Star's' if they expect their children to be able to do the same.  How can I expect lil A and her sister to be proud and make the right decisions because it will make them feel good, if we as parents won't give ourselves the same permission?
Stop comparing yourself to other parents, stop beating yourself up because you didn't provide 4 food groups at breakfast, stop worrying and fussing over every scheduled detail of your child's life because in the end, the only thing they WILL remember is the time you spent with them.  Memories are not created from clean homes, gymnastics or play dates...they are built from time spent as a family having FUN!!
Good advice, right?
It's hard to follow, and even if you don't, I am of a strong belief that everyone's kids, no matter how you decide to parent them, will turn out JUST FINE!

My Chariot Awaits!

We've purchased a double stroller.
We will have two children in less than 10 weeks.
Children.  Plural.  I will be outnumbered.
It's two of the best things that have ever happened to me.  My children.
From seeing the pink line on the pee stick, gaining weight at an exponential rate, feeling the kicks, bumps and hiccups to entering the last weeks where I will inevitably complain daily, if not hourly about aches, ginormousness and sheer exhaustion.
I wouldn't trade a single day of it for anything.  As difficult as it can be, I love growing babies.
My biggest problem is the growing part.
I have unfortunate genetics that cause my body to gain weight.  Anytime.  Any place.  And given a reason, like, say pregnancy, my body REJOICES!!!
My scale and I are not friends but I am learning that my numbers are not as important as my health and the example I must now set for my children.
So, we bought a double chariot.  When XX number two arrives, pending a natural delivery, I can return to running 4-6 weeks afterwards and hopefully begin (again!?) the process of returning my scale numbers to their rightful place.
I am really excited about this, although I haven't quite grasped the huge difference between pushing one child in a 20lb stoller vs. pushing two children in a 28lb stroller.
I may be running alone.
For now we are venturing out in the chariot for walks with vitamin A because it is her new favorite place in the whole world.
I hope she feels the same when there is another tiny person sitting beside her...

Birthing: The Final Frontier

In t-12 weeks, give or take a few days (take, I hope) I am set to expel another baby.

Everyday women birth babes, and so you would think that this must not be a daunting task.

I assure you.  It is.

Just because women are pushing out 7,8,9, my God, sometimes larger babies, does NOT mean that any individual experience is ordinary.  There truly is nothing like bringing a life into the world.  Unfortunately, the coming into the world part is the last stretch of an often long, painful and arduous process.  Called, appropriately, labour.

This is already a fear of mine, which will be my greatest challenge in the coming weeks.  Believing that my body was meant to give birth.  Trusting that without medicine, and with a group of people who also believe in me, that I can endure the labour process.

Who the hell have I become.

I am not normally this kind of person.  I take tylenol in expectation of a headache and have a medicine cabinet that could provide backup for Shoppers, if the need ever arose.

Truly, I do not like to be in pain and definitely do not see any problem using modern medicine to ease my ailing body.  I do, however, have a belief that having a baby is not a condition to be treated with "pain management".

The more I learn about midwifery, the more I believe in a more natural way of birthing.  Are hospitals necessary to have babies?  Absolutely not.  Why and how did we ever conclude that hospitals (full of germs, infections and diseases) would be the best place for women to give birth?

Medicating every pain (which, I also believe that the expectation that birth will hurt actually makes birth MORE painful for many women) is not the way a birth experience was meant to be.

And so, about 12 weeks from now I will likely blog about my birth experience.

If I end up in the hospital with an IV, an induction and an epidural, you may put your hands on your hips, lean forward and say, "I told you it couldn't be done."

But I hope that's not the case.

Lucina Centre - Birthing Centre and Midwifery Care

www.lucinacentre.ca

More Children Less Me?

A good friend of mine had her third and fourth children yesterday and I caught myself thinking, well, she's definitely a Mom now, and nothing but a Mom.
And then I immediately felt guilty.
Does the number of children you have become inversely proportionate to the amount of time you have for yourself?  Does it have to?  Is there a way to maintain yourself and your relationship with your partner, while still successfully wrangling a herd of children?
When our second little person joins us in a few months, I'll be able to better answer that question from the perspective of a Mother of two.
The truth is, when vitamin A joined us, she was such an easy kid and just fit into OUR lives so well that we didn't need to adjust to her as much as we'd anticipated.  I have a real fear that double the children will be doubly difficult, but I am an extremely determined gal and although I want to be the best Mom I can be, I also know that taking time for me will enable me to do just that.
I have decided to register for a half marathon 6-7 months after this baby comes.  I would like to do either the Las Vegas half or the Disneyworld half and I'm hoping that physically registering for a race will help me to persevere in maintaining my former self as a runner.
As we expand our family, (possibly to add a third child?  We shall see what the future holds...) I will be attempting to not become 'nothing but a Mom' and I will share my strategies here!  So stay tuned!!

Boot camp! Take THAT 25 weeks prego belly!!

In the past four weeks I've been challenged greatly at BMS bootcamp twice a week in Leduc.  I've been to bootcamps before and expected this one to be a little bit "sissy", to put it politely.
It was anything but "sissy".
My VERY first class we moved our bodies non stop for 45 minutes.  We were up skipping, down into burpees, up into squat jumps, down into push up pumps and that skipping I mentioned?  That was the break!!!
It is a workout that is for everyone because you do what you are able to.  Being pregnant, I have made loads of modifications, but my trainers think I'm still challenging myself adequately and since I am my own best competitor, I think I'm working plenty hard too!
Since I've started this bootcamp, I've found that I'm not gaining weight at an obscene rate, like I would expect from my experience last time!  I've also noticed that I can climb stairs without getting breathless, SOOOOOOOOOO I went for a run tonight...
I've mentioned before that runners will run through ANYTHING.  And I gave my 6 months pregnant belly a hella good workout tonight and felt fantastic!  Maybe it was the few new songs I rewarded myself with on my ipod, or maybe it was the +6 weather (which is extraordinary for Alberta at this time of year!), but I really truly felt fantastic!  In fact, the only reason I remembered I was pregnant was because my new pepto pink running jacket would not zip up comfortably!
With my newfound pregnancy fitness, I've decided to continue with bootcamp beyond the 6 weeks I signed up for AND I'm quite determined to do the Las Vegas half marathon in December!

Wish me luck!

This is a pic of my cousin Courtenay and I heading out for a run at Candle Lake when Vit A was around 5 months old.  One of my fave places and people to run with!  I WILL be running when this babe is 5 months old - hopefully sooner!

www.bmsbootcamps.com

Non-runners

So, I had my first group appointment at my midwives office yesterday and when the four other women began to trickle in, I thought, ok, you are all going to be crunchy granola types who eat only organic and do yoga daily and meditate and want to do hypnobirthing and plan to breastfeed your children until they are ten OR you will all be normal.
They are the former.
So, for much of our appointment, of which the topic was nutrition and fitness (wondering how I already knew so much about them, right?!), we talked about how yoga is so good for pregnant women and running is not.
Screw you all.
Obviously they are not runners because runners will attempt to run through everything.  I really do mean everything because we will run with pink tape up and down our legs to try and keep detached muscles in place, we will run with urine/feces/vomit on our clothes/legs/socks left in the woods, we will run IN SPITE of ourselves, and really, no one else!  And runners, although sometimes on hiatus due to sickness or other ailments like, say pregnancy, will always attempt to get back to running.
Here's where my  extreme frustration comes from today.
I am a fairly understanding person.  I always try to see other views.  Seek to Understand as my dad would say, and this guy LIVES by the book Don't Sweat the Small Stuff!  So, there I am in a group of women who are all pregnant and hoping to have drug-free water births at a birthing centre.  It seems I am the odd one out.  BUT I am also not judging them for living their lives as non-runners.  I was not privy to the same treatment.  Yoga, it seems, truly is the secret of life.  Or so I was told.  Running puts alot of stress on your body.  Running is high impact.  Running will stretch out ligaments and joints that are already super duper flexible.
OK.  I get it.  Yoga > Running. Whatever.  Still hate yoga.
And so, in conclusion: Non-runners do not.  Will not.  Cannot understand runners.

After the wrapping, food and company...

So, we had a really great Christmas with lots of company, eating and celebrations - but I think one of my favorite things is being able to enjoy the holidays with my hubby and little girl.  The magic of the season is captured by the children and the older Vitamin A gets, the more special Christmas becomes.
We decided to have our ultrasound done on Dec 23 so that we could surprise our family on Christmas eve with the reveal of the gender.  We got to see the little gaffer swimming about and showing us HER moves, and a few great poses that made excellent pictures!

Now that our house is mostly free of Christmas decorations, I need to get creative so that A doesn't get bored!  She was busy every day over the holidays with visitors and toys and now we are settling into out regular routine!