Monday 8 February 2016

Ouch! Right in the Self-Esteem

I went to the gym the other day, and as I was packing up to race out the door and grab MrS, a woman stopped me and asked about an exercise I was doing.
As in, asked me for advice.
WHA?!?!?!
She asked what it was called, and of course I had to consult my notebook because I couldn't remember if it was a bulgarian or romanian move...
Why aren't there any Canadian moves?  Pick up your socks North 'Merica, we're falling behind in the world of weightlifting move naming!

I told her its good for the muscle under your bum and that it can help define the line between your legs and bum.
Because I'm a not a personal trainer and I literally have no idea the difference between lats, traps and delts, or abductors and adductors...or the names of any muscles, really...

So, after I was finished doling out some real primo advice, she says, "I bet you don't have any cellulite, though."
And before I burst out laughing, hard, loud, uncontrollable laughing, I softly sang to her, we are gonna be the beeeeeeeest of friends.

Not really.
The singing part. 
All the other parts are true!

But, really, isn't a compliment the absolute best thing?  Since I've lost a bit of weight, and my body has changed, I've received lots of compliments.
I still struggle to accept them with grace, and not self-deprecate with some joke about the chubby bits that remain, or how I only do cardio so I can eat donuts...which is actually a true statement.

I have fallen head over heels with lifting weights.
Some people's body's are built for certain activities.
I am not built for, say, ballet, or any sport that requires a light, nimble, lithe body.
I am bulky, and big and I hold weight in the middle.

Not to say that lifting is only for bigger people!
Nothing could be further from the truth!

Weight lifting is for everyone!
I can't wait for the old school mentality of, "lift light weights and do a whole bunch'a reps if you wanna get toned, and lift heavy weights for only a few reps to get bulky."

Ya, no.

I know plenty of gals (and guys!) who lift heavy a** weights, and look nothing but fit.
That being said, having muscle does give a "lumpy, bumpy" appearance.

As a long time runner, I have lots of running friends.
A common conversation amongst runners, goes something like this:
"What races are you training for?"
"Oh, a winter half in February/March, then two or three halfs this summer and probably a run-cation in the fall"

I'm not doing any races this summer.
(Which likely won't actually happen, as I have no control and will definitely give in and do something!)

So, when a very kind, runner co-worker asked me this question, I told her I was going to focus on lifting because I've always had to scale according to my long runs and I want to see what I can do with no limitations.

She said, again, kindly, "oh, so you want to be lumpy and bumpy."

Well, actually, hell yes, I DO!
I'm sure it wasn't meant to be hurtful, but I really had never thought about it before.

I completely understand that each individual person wants to look a certain way.
I get that.
But I would never say to someone, "oh, you want to be skinny-fat and have weak, noodly arms?"
I don't actually care how you want to look!!
Why should you care how I look?!?!

I am trying, and struggling, to simply do me, and not worry about what others think of me, but it's hard to face the ugly judgement, and especially so, when it's not meant to be hurtful.

I need to grow thicker skin...

Until then, I'm just going to be over here, becoming the best version of me that ever was.