Me & Him

I tend to only post sporadically about my husband because I mean for my blog to be about my own personal journey, but today I want to share a little about him.

Marriage isn't always peachy.
Social media shows us all the beauty in peoples lives, but you won't find the pictures or posts about everyone's struggles.
That, we all keep to ourselves.
Sometimes, there is nothing more than a name change and some pictures of a past life seem to disappear and the slate is wiped clean.
That's the beauty of social media.
It is whatever we want it to be.

But I've found, that there is something endearing about the ugly bits of marriage.
The parts that we keep out of the limelight, and to ourselves.
We hash it out, and learn a little, and still decide that being together is the best choice.
And in some cases, it's not.

And no matter the outcome, we're stronger because of it.

My husband is, what I might call, an old-fashioned man.
A "man's man", if you will.

He's not too in touch with his feelings, but he knows when it's important to reach down deep and figure things out.
Sometimes, because I've said, "figure your sh*t out."
He is, very, very clever.
He is the rock, where I am allowed to be soft and emotional.
We fight, and sometimes say mean things to each other.
Reeeeeally mean things.
We are far, far from a perfect couple, but we choose to remain on the same team because, truthfully, it's generally a super cool team to be on.
And every day, I'm glad he's stuck with me.

I was having a bit of anxiety over my oldest kid starting grade two this past year.
I know it's not a big deal, really, and I'm not upset because she's growing up so fast, (she is, for the record), it's that in a short time she will be bringing homework home and I'm nervous for the day I won't be able to help her with math because it was never a strong subject for me.
I cannot begin to tell you how much I love the fact that my husband will take great pleasure in re-figuring out how to do the math with her, as well as the other two, when the time comes.
I just said pleasure, as in, he is probably already excited for this.
My partner is going to fill in the gaps.
We will figure things out, together.

Even on the days I tell him I want to break up, because I'm hormonal and he forgot to stop at Costco, so now I have to go tomorrow, with three kids because he has a business lunch at a fancy restaurant with some big wigs, and it's just not fair.
Even then, I choose him.

There are days when he is not my favourite person.
Many days.
We have three little kids, and we have to coordinate schedules and try to make sure everyone is doing enough of the things they want to do, so there's minimal complaining when we have to do the things they're not so fond of doing.
With five lives being lead, under one roof, and of the five lives, only two of which are by grownups, that leaves a lot of chores to do, and a lot of parenting.
We're tired.
All the time.  Like, we don't even talk about how tired we are, because it's just simply assumed that neither one of us got three or four straight hours of sleep, in the past six years, and we're OK with it now.
We created this life together, and that's simply one of the unfortunate consequences.
The rest of the consequences are so, so awesome.

We make sure to take time for each other, and try to reconnect on a regular basis so that we're simply not tag-teaming the kids while we go do our own things.
We ask for help so we can go on dates.
We went on three dates over one weekend, simply because we had sitters and we need to take advantage sometimes!
Those three dates were "banked" for the weeks that will go by with no dates!

My guy is incredible, and loves his family fiercely and all those years ago, when I met him, I could never have dreamed that he'd be the man he is today, and that we would be leading this wild and crazy life together.
I could never have imagined that after a decade, I still sometimes stop him mid-sentence to lay some sugar on him.
When I met him, I distinctly remember thinking, "Yea, this one could be fun for a little while!"
I wasn't interested in marriage or kids.  And neither was he.
And yet, here we are, ten years later, and we are pretty darn great together.

How a Mom is Born

This is a bit of a different post, for me.
I usually chat about my day to day life, but this is something that's near and dear to my heart.
If I ever win the lottery, I will immediately apply to Midwife school and then I will offer it for free.
I wish that everyone who wanted a midwife, could have one.

I've had three babies.
Three different birth experiences.

Bringing a baby into the world really doesn't take very long.
It is rather a daunting task while you are pregnant with the child you will eventually birth, but in reality, it's a small, small portion of time.

And yet, any group of women who have had babies, will almost always get around to sharing their birth stories.
It's our rite of passage.
Our common denominator.

If you have children, then you (or someone), gave birth to them.

How is it, though, that those hours, or, sometimes minutes, and (bless you) in some cases, days, can shape a woman so distinctly?

I mourn the birth I never got to have with my first.
I think that's OK.
I wish it had been different, and I had've been  stronger, or more resilient.
I wish I hadn't eaten so many peanut butter cups for breakfast, and had pre-eclampsia.
I learned from the experience, but the truth is that in some ways, I feel like I failed her before I ever laid eyes on her.

The birth of my second and third babies were entirely different experiences from my first.
I'm a midwifery advocate and I wish it was more available, but I would like to think that I don't push midwifery care on anyone who isn't interested.

If I told you that my second two births were much more calm, even serene, and connected me to my husband in a way I can't put into words, would I be strung up for ostracizing hospital births?
How about if I had a hospital birth myself and could actually compare births from a personal point of view?

Epidurals?
Fantastic!
Once I got mine in the hospital, I was sailin'!

Natural birth with no drugs whatsoever?
Life changing.
I have run marathons and lifted gigantic amounts of weights (at least, for me), and I've never felt more powerful than when I had those babies.

Everyone has a different birth story to tell, and no one is better, or worse, than any other.
They are personal, and so sometimes won't be shared.
We are allowed to have negative feelings about our experiences, but the fact is, that the end result is the children who now live in our homes, and more importantly, hearts.

If you're a woman and are interested in the strength of your body,  then I strongly encourage you to seek out a midwife early on in your pregnancy.
If you're a woman and you're not too fond of pain and would just like to get the drugs,  have a baby and get home, I would also encourage you to seek out a midwife.
If you could give a flying hoot who takes care of you during your pregnancy, and you'll take any and all drugs, then good on you too!  All we have to do, is help these babes evacuate the premises, in a safe way for Momma and baby.

There is hoards of research to try and help you make an informed choice, but it's important that expecting or soon to be expecting Moms know that you are free to choose a caregiver for your pregnancy, and mostly, I encourage you to do that.
Select a caregiver.

Fries, no gravy. And diet coke, please.

I've just set the kids down with their dinner.
A double package of MrNoodles split into three bowls, and one snack plate with cucumber, cheese and veggie straws.
Y'know, for the vitamins.
I use to give them each a snack plate, but I got tired of throwing away two entire plates of food, and one that was nibbled on.
Now I just throw away one plate of food, and put three, empty noodle bowls into the dishwasher.

My own eating is pretty darn healthy.  Lots of veggies and lean meats, fruits, cheese, smoothies.
I'd like to say that my good habits will eventually fall onto my kids, but the fact that I scraped a plate with tiny pepper pieces that had previously been in meatballs, from the other adult individual, who I will not name, who also lives at this house, says that I'm not entirely confident in this.

I have a long way to go in my wellness endeavors.
I've come a long way, but just yesterday I had an overwhelming desire to eat some raw cookie dough.  Not even a choice binge for me, but the desire was there, nonetheless.

I "built" a cookie into the following day, which was really satisfying not only to look forward to, but to devour, post workout.

I also still, preeeeetty much all the time have the desire to abandon all notions of health and wellness and eat pizza, and wings and beer...

And I still may.  Probably will, one night, truth be told, which is OK, just not so frequently as it's not a damn good treat.

I've been inspired to write a bit about the beginnings of my struggles with weight.  The actual beginning was when I was around five.

A relatively traumatic event happened to me, at the hands of a stranger, and I started gaining weight, unintentionally, for lack of a better word.
(Later in my life, during counselling sessions, I learned that this is a common response for young children.  We think that if we're "bigger", then the bad thing won't happen to us again.)

I wouldn't say that my struggle with my weight began until I was around 15 or 16, though, as I never remember being concerned too much.

During high school, I played almost every sport.  I also swam competitively until I was 15, outside of school, so fitness has truly been a part of life forever.
I didn't focus a lot on what I ate, but I do remember restricting and counting calories, but also binging.
I started drinking diet coke in high school, and I rarely, rarely had fries at the school cafeteria.
And never, with gravy.

I don't remember my friends every having anything to say about my size, but I do remember a particularly jaded boy I had broken up with, telling me I was fat.
At the time, I was probably a size 10, and fit.
But I still had a little belly.  I've never, ever had a flat belly.

That teeny, tiny moment in time had a profound effect on me, and is still a strong memory.

I also had a boy I was seeing in my early twenties, tell me that he didn't see my obesity as a problem.
I never spoke to him again after that, though I recall my cell phone "blowing up", and this was before that was a commonly used term.

My true struggles, difficult and grand, as they were, began after my grandpa died.
I piled on weight.  Fast.  Forty pounds in 6 months, and it only got worse, but I stopped getting on the scale.
My size 16 clothes, that fit like sausage casings, told me the truth.

Getting under 200lbs is still one of the greatest things to happen to me.  It felt like exploding a glass ceiling.  Like I could have easily stayed where I was, and probably had a different, but still content life, or I could start dreaming and reaching giant goals. 
I decided to try to reach my full potential.

It took a long time, and I still gain weight easily.
Creating healthy habits starts from childhood, but it's not "ingrained", I don't think.
Many people, are able to recognize that they grew up eating less than nutritional things, and correcting it.
I buy ichiban in bulk at Costco.  I also buy cucumbers, peppers, carrots, cheese, yogurt...
I'm trying not to feel badly about the junk they eat, because, after all, they're still kids, and should get to eat junk a little more often.

My advice to my teenaged self?
Eat the pizza pop.  Your metabolism is at it's prime, now, girl!
Also, you look just fine.