Food Control

Everything is bad for you.

Ever think to yourself, "I can't eat that."

Yeah.  Me too.

I do it all the time.
Many times, I actually think to myself, "I am eating according to my goals, and that donut/cake/fourth-slice-of-pizza doesn't work for my purposes."

I can, in fact, eat that, (whatever it may be), but it means I will have to make room for it somewhere in my calories for the day, or, I don't make room for it, and accept the consequences of that choice.

I am a grown ass woman, and every time I'm at the grocery store, and that heavenly scent gets to my nose, y'know, the fresh baked bread/cookies/something from a lovin' oven...my mouth waters.

It is a powerful, powerful choice not to pile trash into ones cart.  It is a choice to load up on good, healthful foods.  There's not one damn thing stopping me from grabbing the 40pk of powdered donuts.  Not one.  Except my own self.  And the fact that I value my body too much, and know my self too well, that I won't buy them.

I can buy them.
I just won't.

Can't and won't are really different words, and give power one way or the other.
Food doesn't have a lick of control over me, so why the hell would I give it that?

Now that I've written about powdered donuts, I'll be wanting one for the rest of the day...better work something into my day for tomorrow!
(For the record, I don't even really like those 108 day old donuts, but don't you always think they're going to taste good?  They don't.  I'll save you the $4.99...)

I'd be lying if I didn't say that a part of me exercises in order to eat.
I do.  Working out doesn't buy you a whole lot of calories, but I can safely say that I can eat an additional couple hundred a day compared to a sedentary version of me.
My most recent realization is that those extra calories can make or break my workouts.  Good fuel = good outcomes.

In my normal life, I am a distance runner, but I am taking a break due to injury.
(I might also be falling entirely and hopelessly in love with lifting.  *sigh.
I heart my barbell.)
When you are training for long, long distances, and running upwards of 40km a week, you can eat a little bit more.
My drug fuel of choice was always, always baked goods.

Costco cookies?  Hell yes.
Two bite brownies?  Get in ma' belly.
Any kind of pretty, flaky pastry?  Mmmmmmm hmmmmmmm!

Carbs.  Carb load day is truly the most glorious day, and although I never dared step on the scale, and I knew that my food was going to be stored fuel for a 2,3,4 hour run the next day, I loved every minute of it.  I run for two reasons - mental clarity, and food.  The end.

I'm sure I could have chosen more healthful options, but my own body responds well to processed carbs during long runs.
No leafy green things and no whole grain anything.  White, glue-y carbs.  The.  Best.
Also, though, no fried foods, so although I would love to be a donut fueled runner, that would be as disastrous as a giant salad.

I miss those days sometimes, and I feel as though when I do get back to running, I will be older, and let's face it, this body needs a little more care than I've given it in past.  I may not be able to eat the highly processed stuff, and I may be hanging up my shoes for marathons, but I will tentatively venture there when the time comes.

Til then, I'll just keep lifting heavy things and putting them down, and maybe adding a few miles in every week.

As for those sinful glue-y foods?  They're no good for lifting, so I indulge very, very infrequently now!
(That's a win, if you're counting!)

A Lifetime of Counting

I wrote this in November.  It's not new, just newly published.

I am so, so sick of salads.
I have been eating salads since I was around 7.
I don't mean that I occasionally ate salads, I mean I actually ate salads almost daily since I was 7.
My Mom tells me about a time some family had gone out for breakfast, and I tried to order a salad.
For breakfast.
Salad.
Eff.

All through high school.
Chopping lettuce.

University?
Lettuce.

I know that loads of people eat salad a lot.
But I feel like I can safely say that I've been eating them for around 10 years longer than the average person.

Sometimes I feel cheated because I have always struggled with extra poundage, and yet, I've never, ever been able to indulge.  Eat whatever I want.
During high school, I remember the hoards ordering plates of fries and gravy day after day.

Instead, I ate rice cake peanut butter sandwiches.
Chicken broth and melba toast.
Vegetarian pizza pops.
Because, at least there were a few reconstituted veggies in there, right?!?!

Even then I knew that those pizza nuggets were deep fried, and not a good choice.

Before counting calories, or macros, or weight watchers points was a "thing", I bought books from the store and memorized calorie counts of common foods.
(I was constantly pointing out to my friends how many calories their food choices had - sorry guys!)

Many people I talk to about weight issues will say that when they got out of high school/turned 30,40,50.../got married/insert major life event, is when keeping weight off became difficult.

I can empathize, however I've been going to weight watchers since I was 7.
Grade two.

So when I chat with you, and at 35 you're finally having to watch what you eat, I kinda' wanna punch pinch you.
If you've gone most of your life not having to pay attention to what you eat?
I envy you more than you can know.
There are far worse burdens to carry, however carefully watching my intake has been mine for my entire life.

The whole thing.

I've been a bit too relaxed with my eating habits lately, and a few pounds have found their way onto my body.  I'm aware.  I'm uncomfortable.  And I know I need to tighten up my diet and put more colorful food into my mouth.

Of course, today has been a good, solid Monday, but I'm going to finish off the box of girl guide cookies we bought today.

Don't worry.  I shared.
That's a lie.
I ate all the vanilla ones by myself.
They were delicious.
Never miss a Monday though, right?