Trust the process.
Trust. The. Process.
Most of the time I have to just have blind faith that the changes I'm making are having an impact on my body.
Sometimes though, the changes are measurable and visible, and that's when all of the sacrifice and hard work pays off.
Measurements can come in the form of clothing, which is really friggin' cool! Or, they can come as a PR, or personal record.
Pull ups.
Not strict, but kipped, which just means I use momentum to help swing my body up.
And I can do them without any assistance.
I can do about five in a row.
For me, this was a big deal.
This was a momentous day.
Small victory for some, but during that hour long class, it was enough to bring me to tears.
Again.
A young man behind me in class today told me I was a beast.
Hell yeah, I'm a freakin' beast!
I'm getting better, I'm pushing myself, and if in that process I look like a beast, then I'm definitely doing it right!
I am a force to be reckoned with.
I am not to be underestimated.
I lose sight, I lose faith and sometimes I fall far, far away from my goals.
Sometimes my clothes that fit just one month ago are pleading with me to put the timbits down.
Sometimes life is very, very stressful and I stuff junk in my face to try to feel better.
Old habits die hard, and to be honest, I don't really see stress eating ever going away entirely.
I just try to keep the monster quiet for the most part with alternative remedies that don't involve food.
It's been a sad couple of months for me, and my emotions are speaking loudly - telling me that some carbs will make it all feel better.
Truthfully, sometimes the carbs DO make me feel better.
I don't always resist, and I don't always feel bad about giving in.
I'm finding the balance, and I'm learning not to beat myself up, because it is so very pointless.
I've been getting to the gym a lot lately.
It's stress relief during this trying time, and it's one of my happiest places.
I'm noticing that almost weekly I'm lifting heavier than I've ever lifted before - and not just for one rep, but for many, many reps!
I'm pushing over 100lbs above my head on a regular basis - which for me, is a huge accomplishment!
Much more than my skinny jeans looking bangin', I LIVE for PRs.
I get so excited and emotional every single time I lift heavier than before.
Losing weight has been the most amazing side effect of the heavy lifting, but I will never again focus on my scale because it is relatively unimportant in the grand scheme.
My butt is growing (in the good way, right V?!), and I did not take a compliment recently about it, but instead dove into the self-deprecating shit that comes naturally to me.
That is something I need to get better at - still.
Having faith that significant changes take time - sometimes a very long time - is one of the greatest challenges I've encountered.
If I put in the work, then changes will happen.
If there's one guarantee in life, that just might be it.
Nothing else is a given, really.
So, self, have a little faith in me.
Friday 24 June 2016
Have a Little Faith
Trust the process.
Trusting anything can be so difficult!
Most of the time I have to just have blind faith that the changes I'm making are having an impact on my body.
Sometimes though, the changes are measurable and visible, and that's when all of the sacrifice and hard work pays off!
Measurements can come in the form of clothing, which is really friggin' cool! Or, they can come as a PR, or personal record.
Pull ups.
Not strict, but kipped.
And I can do them without any assistance.
I can do about five in a row.
For me, this was a big deal.
This was a momentous day.
Small victory for some, but during that hour long class, it was enough to bring me to tears.
A young man behind me in class today told me I was a beast.
Hell yeah, I'm a freakin' beast!
I'm getting better, I'm pushing myself, and if in that process I look like a beast, then I'm definitely doing it right!
I am a force to be reckoned with.
I am not to be underestimated.
I lose sight, I lose faith and sometimes I fall far, far away from my goals.
It's been a sad couple of months and my emotions are speaking loudly - telling me that some carbs will make it all feel better.
I don't always resist, and I don't always feel about bad about giving in.
I'm finding the balance, and I'm learning not to beat myself up, because it is so very pointless.
I've been getting to the gym a lot lately.
It's stress relief during this trying time, and it's one of my happiest places.
I'm noticing that almost weekly I'm lifting heavier than I've ever lifted before - and not just for one rep, but for many, many reps!
I'm pushing over 100lbs above my head on a regular basis - which for me, is a huge accomplishment!
Much more than my skinny jeans looking bangin', I LIVE for PRs.
I get so excited and emotional every single time I lift heavier than before.
Losing weight has been the most amazing side effect of the heavy lifting, but I will never again focus on my scale because that is so far in second place that it might as well be 50th.
My butt is growing (in the good way, right V?!), and I did not take a compliment last week about it, but instead dove into the self-deprecating shit that comes naturally to me.
That is something I need to get better at - still.
Having faith that significant changes take time - sometimes a very long time - is one of the greatest challenges I've encountered.
If I put in the work, then changes will happen.
If there's one guarantee in life, that just might be it.
Nothing else is a given, really.
Trusting anything can be so difficult!
Most of the time I have to just have blind faith that the changes I'm making are having an impact on my body.
Sometimes though, the changes are measurable and visible, and that's when all of the sacrifice and hard work pays off!
Measurements can come in the form of clothing, which is really friggin' cool! Or, they can come as a PR, or personal record.
Pull ups.
Not strict, but kipped.
And I can do them without any assistance.
I can do about five in a row.
For me, this was a big deal.
This was a momentous day.
Small victory for some, but during that hour long class, it was enough to bring me to tears.
A young man behind me in class today told me I was a beast.
Hell yeah, I'm a freakin' beast!
I'm getting better, I'm pushing myself, and if in that process I look like a beast, then I'm definitely doing it right!
I am a force to be reckoned with.
I am not to be underestimated.
I lose sight, I lose faith and sometimes I fall far, far away from my goals.
It's been a sad couple of months and my emotions are speaking loudly - telling me that some carbs will make it all feel better.
I don't always resist, and I don't always feel about bad about giving in.
I'm finding the balance, and I'm learning not to beat myself up, because it is so very pointless.
I've been getting to the gym a lot lately.
It's stress relief during this trying time, and it's one of my happiest places.
I'm noticing that almost weekly I'm lifting heavier than I've ever lifted before - and not just for one rep, but for many, many reps!
I'm pushing over 100lbs above my head on a regular basis - which for me, is a huge accomplishment!
Much more than my skinny jeans looking bangin', I LIVE for PRs.
I get so excited and emotional every single time I lift heavier than before.
Losing weight has been the most amazing side effect of the heavy lifting, but I will never again focus on my scale because that is so far in second place that it might as well be 50th.
My butt is growing (in the good way, right V?!), and I did not take a compliment last week about it, but instead dove into the self-deprecating shit that comes naturally to me.
That is something I need to get better at - still.
Having faith that significant changes take time - sometimes a very long time - is one of the greatest challenges I've encountered.
If I put in the work, then changes will happen.
If there's one guarantee in life, that just might be it.
Nothing else is a given, really.
Saturday 4 June 2016
On your Fourth Birthday, Lady Ellie
I sat in the room with my enormous belly underneath my folded hands.
The other Mom's from my midwife group had brought their new little babies, some as old as three weeks already.
I had to hold back tears, and pronounce that, "it's easier to be pregnant, than have a new baby to look after".
I hated waiting for the arrival.
One day over due, then two, then six.
Then my brother married the most wonderful girl, and still, a week overdue and celebrating in Jasper, no baby.
I gained a lot of weight. I was friggin' huge.
I really didn't want to be pregnant anymore, and I just wanted to meet you.
You had your own plan then, and still do.
The day you were born was both the most hectic day of my life, and in complete contrast, your birth was my most calm, and relaxed.
This is you.
Wild and unbridled, and yet, you can be so, so sweet.
So kind and generous.
And in the very next breath, you are breathing fire.
My second born girl, you have grown into a beautiful, strong, unapologetically independent kid.
Not my baby anymore.
You're growing tall and losing your adorable baby chub, and your strength and grace is starting to shine bright.
It's impossible for you to be turning four, as I remember vividly your birth day as if it were moments ago.
You made your own plans to arrive and although your Nana, sister and I spent the entire day killing phone batteries while timing regular contractions walking around West Edmonton Mall, it was less than one hour of discomfort before you made your grand and magnificent entrance.
We were going to call you Grace.
I still adore that name, but it was evident almost momentarily that you were meant to be an Ellie.
Spunky and radiant.
Your smile is sometimes all I need.
Your imagination is like none other and when you lean on the window sill at the front of our house, I can only dream of what you might be thinking.
Your Dad and I, and I'm sure your brother and sister, want you to know, on your fourth birthday, that we love you bigger than Texas and that life without you would be un-glittered and utterly boring without the glamour and charm you bring every day.
Happy birthday Ellie!
The other Mom's from my midwife group had brought their new little babies, some as old as three weeks already.
I had to hold back tears, and pronounce that, "it's easier to be pregnant, than have a new baby to look after".
I hated waiting for the arrival.
One day over due, then two, then six.
Then my brother married the most wonderful girl, and still, a week overdue and celebrating in Jasper, no baby.
I gained a lot of weight. I was friggin' huge.
I really didn't want to be pregnant anymore, and I just wanted to meet you.
You had your own plan then, and still do.
The day you were born was both the most hectic day of my life, and in complete contrast, your birth was my most calm, and relaxed.
This is you.
Wild and unbridled, and yet, you can be so, so sweet.
So kind and generous.
And in the very next breath, you are breathing fire.
My second born girl, you have grown into a beautiful, strong, unapologetically independent kid.
Not my baby anymore.
You're growing tall and losing your adorable baby chub, and your strength and grace is starting to shine bright.
It's impossible for you to be turning four, as I remember vividly your birth day as if it were moments ago.
You made your own plans to arrive and although your Nana, sister and I spent the entire day killing phone batteries while timing regular contractions walking around West Edmonton Mall, it was less than one hour of discomfort before you made your grand and magnificent entrance.
We were going to call you Grace.
I still adore that name, but it was evident almost momentarily that you were meant to be an Ellie.
Spunky and radiant.
Your smile is sometimes all I need.
Your imagination is like none other and when you lean on the window sill at the front of our house, I can only dream of what you might be thinking.
Your Dad and I, and I'm sure your brother and sister, want you to know, on your fourth birthday, that we love you bigger than Texas and that life without you would be un-glittered and utterly boring without the glamour and charm you bring every day.
Happy birthday Ellie!
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