2016 Resolve

I wish I didn't feel the need to justify the life I lead.
Anyone else sometimes feel like they're having to give reasons why they've made their choices?

I don't agree with every choice my loved ones make.
That's perfectly fine.  Normal, even.
But it's not my life to live, so unless I'm being asked for input, then I'll just shut my trap.
Also, why should it matter what I think?  And therefore, what is it any of my business to comment?

It's hard to find value in a piece of unsolicited advice, given by someone who has never walked in my shoes.
That being said, I'm a very emotional person and I tend to carry around all advice like baggage.
I'm tired and sore from this historical practice, and I'd like to unload a little bit.
Or a lot.

I spend a lot of time in the gym, and in my running shoes.  Sometimes the kids are with me, and I really love that because I think it's so great for them to see their Mom, and sometimes a bunch of other Moms, kicking serious ass, and taking control of their health.  I also try to take them running with me, because not only is it a bit of extra resistance for me, but the fresh air tires them out, and again, they're seeing a fabulous example of how to make fitness a normal daily activity.

But sometimes I leave them with a babysitter, or my husband.
I sometimes pay for childcare for an hour or so to myself.
How is that any different from paying to get your haircut?  Or nails done?  Or go shopping?

Spending time on my health and body is not about vanity.
I'm aware that it may seem that way to someone on the out looking in, but it has little to do with how my clothes fit and loads to do with how my mind feels, and how that affects my day to day life.

It can be especially hard to get in a workout after a few days or weeks of lousy sleeps, or nights where we end up with five in the bed, often before midnight, but it's on these days, that for my personal calm and serenity, I must make the time, even for a 30 minute run, to be alone.

What I'm tired of, is feeling like I have to justify this time.
No one's demanding that I prove to them, the reasons I spend so much time on my fitness, but I'm old and wise enough to know that many judgments are made about my lifestyle.

I do not judge any other parents' choices.
I don't.

You do whatever the hell it is you need to do to survive the years where your children are dependent on you.
And then after that, how about just continue to do you.

I will not judge your life.
Sometimes we need to vent about our choices, and that's OK, but don't dwell.
If you find you're complaining about the same thing over and over again, maybe change it.

But I ain't gonna be the one to suggest that.
I'm an extreme introvert, and I truly believe that it's none of my business, because, to be honest, I hardly have the energy to deal with my own business.

Still not going to judge, though.
Being a parent is hard.
Making choices for your family.  Hard.
Hard in and of itself, that we don't also need to feel as though we should justify those choices to someone who hasn't a clue what it's like.

My 2016 resolution is to worry about me, and not about what others think of me.
For me, this will be very challenging, but I'm hoping, also freeing.

Goodbye, For Now.

We are who we are because they were who they were.

These were the opening remarks of the eulogy at the funeral I attended last weekend for a Great Uncle of mine.

He was my Grandpa’s brother and they were very much alike. 

I spent many summers at Uncle Donny and Aunt Marge’s cabin at Candle Lake.

They had a ton of grandkids, who also spent time there, and so, naturally I was drawn to their place to hang out with kids.

But I also spent time with them, because they’re easy to be around.

I remember the huge, solid wood bunk beds Uncle Donny had built in the rooms at the lake.  They were big enough to hold all of us kids, and to this day, it’s a fond lake memory of mine.

I also remember a few years ago, when many of us Cameron’s got together to do the Banff to Jasper Relay in memory of Jason Rennick.  Another Cameron gone too soon.

Christina was running the very first leg of the North side of the course.

Blake and I and the kids had gone to the restaurant for breakfast, which was reasonably priced around $18 for eggs and toast, to find Donny and Marge having breakfast themselves.

They had come, to this little hotel, quite literally in the middle of nowhere, to be there for their granddaughter to run.

Amazing.

I didn’t think much of it then, because if you know any of the Cameron brothers and sisters, this is just simply the kind of thing they do, without even thinking about it.

When I was much younger, I remember getting together for a reunion, or a holiday or just to go for a picnic or some ice fishing, and there were always people there.

Cameron’s.

I truly believe that I am part of one of the greatest family’s.

We are a tight bunch, and unfortunately, the glue that has always held us together is aging, and leaving, and it will be up to my generation to continue to hold us together.

Lives get busy and people have schedules, but I think that it’s incredibly important that my children and their children, grow up knowing that the family bond is a gift, but it’s earned and not to be taken for granted.

Our family has a bountiful, beautiful love for one another and it’s because we appreciate and respect one another, that we’re such a great bunch.

We choose to spend time together, and when we do, it’s memorable!

I sometimes feel like I’m lost in the craziness of parenting, and I forget that my goal, our goal, is to raise good, kind, honest people.

That’s it.  The rest is just minor.

But I want them to choose their family, if there is a choice.  By showing them my extended family, and Blake’s, I hope they know how wonderful it can be that your favorite people are also your family.  I hope I’m instilling that in them.

Uncle Donny, it was a great pleasure to have ever known you, and the fact that part of you is part of me, and also my children, gives me great hope that I will someday be as loved and cherished as you are.

You were a great man, and your children and grandchildren are a testament to how wonderful you were.  Gone too soon, but never forgotten.