Having been heavy for much of my life, and in most recent years, taken much of that off, I can tell you that it never gets old when people mention that you're looking great/fit/healthy/lean.
Ne. Ver.
I got to my goal, I felt great, I maintained for a time, and for the most part, I am still maintaining.
Hooooooooooowever...
The weight that I feel best at, and that my clothes look best at, is less than I currently sit. And I have been working hard to find my resolve to get to the comfortable place.
And I couldn't. And I am well aware that motivation is bullsh*t, and consistency is where it's at, but I just could not find that.
Losing weight is the hardest friggin' thing in the world, because the reason any of us has extra poundage, is usually because we have excess baggage we've been scared to unpack.
Being truthful with yourself and working through the hard stuff is why losing weight, and keeping it off, are so damn difficult.
I had to be honest with myself recently, and admit that I really, really love the weight loss part, but I'm not a huge fan of the maintenance part. But, why? The why is because I like the attention while I'm transforming. I love it, actually. But then you aren't losing anymore and you just, look like this now, and no one notices and the world keeps turning. I have felt so successful and fulfilled during weight loss, and I feel as though I drift up in weight, simply to so I can go back to being a "loser", and receiving those compliments.
That's hard. And superficial. And narcissistic. Ugh.
So, I've acknowledged what I think my current issue is, and in order to get to the doing-of-the-work, I am making a plan. And I am making goals. And I am going to find something new to feel defined by. This body is the only one I've got, and I really respect it too much to continue to yo-yo for the rest of my life because of my addiction to the transformation. This body deserves better. And really, the pull ups are getting a little tougher...
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