My due date is 18 days away.
I was reminded of the power (READ: pain!!) of labour earlier in the month when I had several days worth of contractions that lead up to prelabour and then fizzled into nothing.
It was ok, because I'm not ready and I'd rather this little peanut put on another lb or two before making its escape.
It was ok except for the terrifying hour and twenty minutes of hard contractions. Contractions that felt and could be seen as abdomen wrenching, tightening that released for what felt like JUST enough time to catch a breath before launching into the next.
Goddamnit. What am I IN for!?!?!?!?!
It was an unpleasant reminder of my last labour, over two years ago.
But my last labour was induced, and in so many ways, I feel like my last birth experience was somehow "robbed" from me because of the chemical intervention.
The day of my prelabour, I had flashbacks to my first hospital labour when I spent, what felt like hours, but was in reality not even one hour, crouched over an exercise ball. Crouched over this plastic ball, kneeling on a hospital floor while a nurse held a monitor to my belly on one side and my husband and doula spoke encouraging words on the other.
Each contraction overtook me.
After reading several books about birthing naturally, I now believe that a hospital is not an ideal location for having a baby.
I wonder if the "emergent" atmosphere of the hospital that night, was in some way responsible for my own feelings of inadeqaucy?
While I am terrified and excited for my impending birth, this time around, I am also aware that my surroundings will be very different, and this time I know the strength of my body and understand that this time the hormones surging through my body will be all my own, and not dripping through a tube into my veins.
Hopefully my "May Day" comes sooner, rather than later...
Monday 7 May 2012
Monday 16 April 2012
For the Love of Running
In my years of running (16 to be exact), I have come across many types of people. I have had some of the most incredible supporters, and I have also encountered some of the most negative people I have every met in my life.
I run to spite the negative guys.
One of my most favorite sayings of all time goes along the lines of, the greatest accomplishment in life is doing what others say you cannot do, but do not quote me on that!
I truly gain more when I complete a race that is further, or faster than my doubters, or even I thought I could accomplish. And believe me, I can be one of the most negative people in my own life - and that doesn't apply only to running! But that's a whole other can of worms...
As my belly expands in size and I count down the weeks left to meet this amazing little person, I find myself daydreaming about my return to running and it is easily, and without doubt the one thing that I look forward to most once I am done being pregnant.
I am planning races, both short and long, familiar and new so that I can strive towards new running goals. Running is such an innate part of who I am that I truly don't think I will ever NOT be a runner.
I am not built like a runner. In fact, I believe that my gene lineage comes from a group of ancient Japanese Sumo wrestlers. Seriously. If you didn't know me and I told you I was a runner, you would probably quietly think to yourself, 'yah, I bet you run to the fridge alot'.
And I can't blame you.
I. Am. Not. Built. Like. A. Runner.
But I do it anyways. And I in turn find it eternally frustrating when someone who is 10, or 20 or 40 pounds lighter than me say that they can't run.
EVERYONE can run. But not everyone WILL run.
This post was inspired by a video that a triathlete friend of mine shared with me. It is about two women, well into their 60s and 70s who have both completed a 100 MILE race. I just wrote MILE. That's 160 km. Nearly 4 marathons, ran at once.
I want to be a Grandmother of Endurance, and here is the link to their running story.
Grandmother's of Endurance
I run to spite the negative guys.
One of my most favorite sayings of all time goes along the lines of, the greatest accomplishment in life is doing what others say you cannot do, but do not quote me on that!
I truly gain more when I complete a race that is further, or faster than my doubters, or even I thought I could accomplish. And believe me, I can be one of the most negative people in my own life - and that doesn't apply only to running! But that's a whole other can of worms...
As my belly expands in size and I count down the weeks left to meet this amazing little person, I find myself daydreaming about my return to running and it is easily, and without doubt the one thing that I look forward to most once I am done being pregnant.
I am planning races, both short and long, familiar and new so that I can strive towards new running goals. Running is such an innate part of who I am that I truly don't think I will ever NOT be a runner.
I am not built like a runner. In fact, I believe that my gene lineage comes from a group of ancient Japanese Sumo wrestlers. Seriously. If you didn't know me and I told you I was a runner, you would probably quietly think to yourself, 'yah, I bet you run to the fridge alot'.
And I can't blame you.
I. Am. Not. Built. Like. A. Runner.
But I do it anyways. And I in turn find it eternally frustrating when someone who is 10, or 20 or 40 pounds lighter than me say that they can't run.
EVERYONE can run. But not everyone WILL run.
This post was inspired by a video that a triathlete friend of mine shared with me. It is about two women, well into their 60s and 70s who have both completed a 100 MILE race. I just wrote MILE. That's 160 km. Nearly 4 marathons, ran at once.
I want to be a Grandmother of Endurance, and here is the link to their running story.
Grandmother's of Endurance
Tuesday 3 April 2012
Gold Star Parenting?
The learning curve for parents is anything but a curve. I'm not even sure one should try and graph it because it seems that as soon as you can pat yourself on the back for mastering something, the very next day you will fail miserably at it.
But I think that this is a mentality that is hard to kick, but also very necessary to becoming a great parent.
Parenting is about learning, but it isn't about learning to be the best. It is about learning how to create a family with the people who live under the roof. Your children don't care if your house is spotless, or that you can change your own tire. They also have no interest in your own self-hatred, so stop beating yourself up for every damn thing!
Children are extremely observant and one of my biggest challenges, given that we will have two daughters soon, is making sure not to be too hard on myself.
When you don't have children, your inner voice can tell you all sorts of nasty things and you are more than welcome to listen and agree, however, once you become a Mom or a Dad, you are now the direct role model and first influence on your kids and the LAST thing I want to teach my girls is that television and magazines, and God help me, even those catty bitches in her kindergarten class are right.
So, the point of this post is that I really do think that parents should be giving themselves more 'Gold Star's' if they expect their children to be able to do the same. How can I expect lil A and her sister to be proud and make the right decisions because it will make them feel good, if we as parents won't give ourselves the same permission?
Stop comparing yourself to other parents, stop beating yourself up because you didn't provide 4 food groups at breakfast, stop worrying and fussing over every scheduled detail of your child's life because in the end, the only thing they WILL remember is the time you spent with them. Memories are not created from clean homes, gymnastics or play dates...they are built from time spent as a family having FUN!!
Good advice, right?
It's hard to follow, and even if you don't, I am of a strong belief that everyone's kids, no matter how you decide to parent them, will turn out JUST FINE!
But I think that this is a mentality that is hard to kick, but also very necessary to becoming a great parent.
Parenting is about learning, but it isn't about learning to be the best. It is about learning how to create a family with the people who live under the roof. Your children don't care if your house is spotless, or that you can change your own tire. They also have no interest in your own self-hatred, so stop beating yourself up for every damn thing!
Children are extremely observant and one of my biggest challenges, given that we will have two daughters soon, is making sure not to be too hard on myself.
When you don't have children, your inner voice can tell you all sorts of nasty things and you are more than welcome to listen and agree, however, once you become a Mom or a Dad, you are now the direct role model and first influence on your kids and the LAST thing I want to teach my girls is that television and magazines, and God help me, even those catty bitches in her kindergarten class are right.
So, the point of this post is that I really do think that parents should be giving themselves more 'Gold Star's' if they expect their children to be able to do the same. How can I expect lil A and her sister to be proud and make the right decisions because it will make them feel good, if we as parents won't give ourselves the same permission?
Stop comparing yourself to other parents, stop beating yourself up because you didn't provide 4 food groups at breakfast, stop worrying and fussing over every scheduled detail of your child's life because in the end, the only thing they WILL remember is the time you spent with them. Memories are not created from clean homes, gymnastics or play dates...they are built from time spent as a family having FUN!!
Good advice, right?
It's hard to follow, and even if you don't, I am of a strong belief that everyone's kids, no matter how you decide to parent them, will turn out JUST FINE!
Monday 19 March 2012
My Chariot Awaits!
We've purchased a double stroller.
We will have two children in less than 10 weeks.
Children. Plural. I will be outnumbered.
It's two of the best things that have ever happened to me. My children.
From seeing the pink line on the pee stick, gaining weight at an exponential rate, feeling the kicks, bumps and hiccups to entering the last weeks where I will inevitably complain daily, if not hourly about aches, ginormousness and sheer exhaustion.
I wouldn't trade a single day of it for anything. As difficult as it can be, I love growing babies.
My biggest problem is the growing part.
I have unfortunate genetics that cause my body to gain weight. Anytime. Any place. And given a reason, like, say pregnancy, my body REJOICES!!!
My scale and I are not friends but I am learning that my numbers are not as important as my health and the example I must now set for my children.
So, we bought a double chariot. When XX number two arrives, pending a natural delivery, I can return to running 4-6 weeks afterwards and hopefully begin (again!?) the process of returning my scale numbers to their rightful place.
I am really excited about this, although I haven't quite grasped the huge difference between pushing one child in a 20lb stoller vs. pushing two children in a 28lb stroller.
I may be running alone.
For now we are venturing out in the chariot for walks with vitamin A because it is her new favorite place in the whole world.
I hope she feels the same when there is another tiny person sitting beside her...
We will have two children in less than 10 weeks.
Children. Plural. I will be outnumbered.
It's two of the best things that have ever happened to me. My children.
From seeing the pink line on the pee stick, gaining weight at an exponential rate, feeling the kicks, bumps and hiccups to entering the last weeks where I will inevitably complain daily, if not hourly about aches, ginormousness and sheer exhaustion.
I wouldn't trade a single day of it for anything. As difficult as it can be, I love growing babies.
My biggest problem is the growing part.
I have unfortunate genetics that cause my body to gain weight. Anytime. Any place. And given a reason, like, say pregnancy, my body REJOICES!!!
My scale and I are not friends but I am learning that my numbers are not as important as my health and the example I must now set for my children.
So, we bought a double chariot. When XX number two arrives, pending a natural delivery, I can return to running 4-6 weeks afterwards and hopefully begin (again!?) the process of returning my scale numbers to their rightful place.
I am really excited about this, although I haven't quite grasped the huge difference between pushing one child in a 20lb stoller vs. pushing two children in a 28lb stroller.
I may be running alone.
For now we are venturing out in the chariot for walks with vitamin A because it is her new favorite place in the whole world.
I hope she feels the same when there is another tiny person sitting beside her...
Sunday 4 March 2012
Birthing: The Final Frontier
In t-12 weeks, give or take a few days (take, I hope) I am set to expel another baby.
Everyday women birth babes, and so you would think that this must not be a daunting task.
I assure you. It is.
Just because women are pushing out 7,8,9, my God, sometimes larger babies, does NOT mean that any individual experience is ordinary. There truly is nothing like bringing a life into the world. Unfortunately, the coming into the world part is the last stretch of an often long, painful and arduous process. Called, appropriately, labour.
This is already a fear of mine, which will be my greatest challenge in the coming weeks. Believing that my body was meant to give birth. Trusting that without medicine, and with a group of people who also believe in me, that I can endure the labour process.
Who the hell have I become.
I am not normally this kind of person. I take tylenol in expectation of a headache and have a medicine cabinet that could provide backup for Shoppers, if the need ever arose.
Truly, I do not like to be in pain and definitely do not see any problem using modern medicine to ease my ailing body. I do, however, have a belief that having a baby is not a condition to be treated with "pain management".
The more I learn about midwifery, the more I believe in a more natural way of birthing. Are hospitals necessary to have babies? Absolutely not. Why and how did we ever conclude that hospitals (full of germs, infections and diseases) would be the best place for women to give birth?
Medicating every pain (which, I also believe that the expectation that birth will hurt actually makes birth MORE painful for many women) is not the way a birth experience was meant to be.
And so, about 12 weeks from now I will likely blog about my birth experience.
If I end up in the hospital with an IV, an induction and an epidural, you may put your hands on your hips, lean forward and say, "I told you it couldn't be done."
But I hope that's not the case.
Lucina Centre - Birthing Centre and Midwifery Care
Wednesday 22 February 2012
More Children Less Me?
A good friend of mine had her third and fourth children yesterday and I caught myself thinking, well, she's definitely a Mom now, and nothing but a Mom.
And then I immediately felt guilty.
Does the number of children you have become inversely proportionate to the amount of time you have for yourself? Does it have to? Is there a way to maintain yourself and your relationship with your partner, while still successfully wrangling a herd of children?
When our second little person joins us in a few months, I'll be able to better answer that question from the perspective of a Mother of two.
The truth is, when vitamin A joined us, she was such an easy kid and just fit into OUR lives so well that we didn't need to adjust to her as much as we'd anticipated. I have a real fear that double the children will be doubly difficult, but I am an extremely determined gal and although I want to be the best Mom I can be, I also know that taking time for me will enable me to do just that.
I have decided to register for a half marathon 6-7 months after this baby comes. I would like to do either the Las Vegas half or the Disneyworld half and I'm hoping that physically registering for a race will help me to persevere in maintaining my former self as a runner.
As we expand our family, (possibly to add a third child? We shall see what the future holds...) I will be attempting to not become 'nothing but a Mom' and I will share my strategies here! So stay tuned!!
And then I immediately felt guilty.
Does the number of children you have become inversely proportionate to the amount of time you have for yourself? Does it have to? Is there a way to maintain yourself and your relationship with your partner, while still successfully wrangling a herd of children?
When our second little person joins us in a few months, I'll be able to better answer that question from the perspective of a Mother of two.
The truth is, when vitamin A joined us, she was such an easy kid and just fit into OUR lives so well that we didn't need to adjust to her as much as we'd anticipated. I have a real fear that double the children will be doubly difficult, but I am an extremely determined gal and although I want to be the best Mom I can be, I also know that taking time for me will enable me to do just that.
I have decided to register for a half marathon 6-7 months after this baby comes. I would like to do either the Las Vegas half or the Disneyworld half and I'm hoping that physically registering for a race will help me to persevere in maintaining my former self as a runner.
As we expand our family, (possibly to add a third child? We shall see what the future holds...) I will be attempting to not become 'nothing but a Mom' and I will share my strategies here! So stay tuned!!
Sunday 12 February 2012
Boot camp! Take THAT 25 weeks prego belly!!
In the past four weeks I've been challenged greatly at BMS bootcamp twice a week in Leduc. I've been to bootcamps before and expected this one to be a little bit "sissy", to put it politely.
It was anything but "sissy".
My VERY first class we moved our bodies non stop for 45 minutes. We were up skipping, down into burpees, up into squat jumps, down into push up pumps and that skipping I mentioned? That was the break!!!
It is a workout that is for everyone because you do what you are able to. Being pregnant, I have made loads of modifications, but my trainers think I'm still challenging myself adequately and since I am my own best competitor, I think I'm working plenty hard too!
Since I've started this bootcamp, I've found that I'm not gaining weight at an obscene rate, like I would expect from my experience last time! I've also noticed that I can climb stairs without getting breathless, SOOOOOOOOOO I went for a run tonight...
I've mentioned before that runners will run through ANYTHING. And I gave my 6 months pregnant belly a hella good workout tonight and felt fantastic! Maybe it was the few new songs I rewarded myself with on my ipod, or maybe it was the +6 weather (which is extraordinary for Alberta at this time of year!), but I really truly felt fantastic! In fact, the only reason I remembered I was pregnant was because my new pepto pink running jacket would not zip up comfortably!
With my newfound pregnancy fitness, I've decided to continue with bootcamp beyond the 6 weeks I signed up for AND I'm quite determined to do the Las Vegas half marathon in December!
Wish me luck!
This is a pic of my cousin Courtenay and I heading out for a run at Candle Lake when Vit A was around 5 months old. One of my fave places and people to run with! I WILL be running when this babe is 5 months old - hopefully sooner!
www.bmsbootcamps.com
It was anything but "sissy".
My VERY first class we moved our bodies non stop for 45 minutes. We were up skipping, down into burpees, up into squat jumps, down into push up pumps and that skipping I mentioned? That was the break!!!
It is a workout that is for everyone because you do what you are able to. Being pregnant, I have made loads of modifications, but my trainers think I'm still challenging myself adequately and since I am my own best competitor, I think I'm working plenty hard too!
Since I've started this bootcamp, I've found that I'm not gaining weight at an obscene rate, like I would expect from my experience last time! I've also noticed that I can climb stairs without getting breathless, SOOOOOOOOOO I went for a run tonight...
I've mentioned before that runners will run through ANYTHING. And I gave my 6 months pregnant belly a hella good workout tonight and felt fantastic! Maybe it was the few new songs I rewarded myself with on my ipod, or maybe it was the +6 weather (which is extraordinary for Alberta at this time of year!), but I really truly felt fantastic! In fact, the only reason I remembered I was pregnant was because my new pepto pink running jacket would not zip up comfortably!
With my newfound pregnancy fitness, I've decided to continue with bootcamp beyond the 6 weeks I signed up for AND I'm quite determined to do the Las Vegas half marathon in December!
This is a pic of my cousin Courtenay and I heading out for a run at Candle Lake when Vit A was around 5 months old. One of my fave places and people to run with! I WILL be running when this babe is 5 months old - hopefully sooner!
www.bmsbootcamps.com
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